School

Education, Ego, Expectation

We’ve reached that point in the semester where professors start crushing my fragile ego.

What a time to be alive.

But I’ll manage somehow.

I still don’t know how I did so well in my first year. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t as jaded. I’m much more cynical now as well. Or maybe it’s because I actually read the assigned articles and books.

Second year was an inconsistent one. I was all over the place with my grades. I did better in some courses than others, which makes sense. But the negativity bias gets me every time. So I tend to focus on all the bad marks rather than the good ones.

I’m not sure how the rest of this year will play out, but if I’m failing miserably and drowning in school work, you’ll hear all about it.

As someone who prioritizes my passions among other things, I’m still content with where I stand right now. Although if you give me another month, I might change my mind. I’m human after all.

Let’s talk about opportunity cost, shall we? I’m aware the time I spend dancing every day could be spent studying. But I choose to dance. And that isn’t going to change even if I’m not getting a 4.0 GPA.

Many things matter more to me than my grades. My health. My happiness.

Because I have high expectations for myself, I’m not sure I’ll ever be happy with any mark. Oh, a 90? That’s not a 95, is it? An A-? Why not an A+?

Maybe I should never check my grades ever again. I’m fairly confident I won’t fail anything. I don’t have to worry about that. If I did, I’d be a complete wreck.

Ignorance is bliss. What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

Or perhaps I should check all my grades and have my ego destroyed every single time.

Either way, I don’t benefit. You just can’t win as a student, can you?

All this being said, I love learning. I’m grateful to be able to get an education. I hope I never take that for granted.

I’m fortunate. I’m lucky. I can’t imagine not being able to go to school. I can’t imagine not knowing how to read or write. And my heart breaks for everyone out there who aren’t in a position to learn.

I still think I’ll jump for joy and do cartwheels around my house when I graduate in 2019. I can’t wait. I’m excited to experience life after school.

There’s so much I want to do. And turning down full-time job offers because I’m a full-time student isn’t something I want to do my whole life.

For now, I’ll try to enjoy the good things about being a student and embrace the bad.

4 thoughts on “Education, Ego, Expectation

  1. I think everyone does well their first year because they don’t know what to expect and want to do a good job. By the time the second year comes around you know what to expect and tend to just slack off. Still, you do get good grades and learn a lot. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to focus on other things. 😉

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  2. Hon, you sound like my students at the university. Those students at the college are still happy-go-lucky about assignments etc., but juniors and seniors, especially , at the university are starting to look ahead to “What next?” and are starting to panic. Get through sophomore slump and you’ll start thinking about what you want to do with your degree, and a whole new set of musings/thoughts/worries will set in. That is just the way of things. You WILL survive. I have all the confidence in the world in you, Dear.

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    1. Yeah, it’s insane to think I’m more than halfway done university. Nowadays I keep asking myself that question. But I’ll try to take life one day at a time, and enjoy the moment. I appreciate your vote of confidence. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

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