Personal Reflection

What I Want To Do In Life

Some things I want to do before I die.

Publish a book.

For as long as I can remember, I dreamed of becoming an author. I’m nowhere near publication right now, but check back with me in several years, okay?

Interview a celebrity.

I’ve been thinking about interviews lately for some reason. Also, I use the word “celebrity” loosely. Anyone successful. Author, athlete, actor, etc. Anyone cooler than me essentially.

Run a marathon.

As a kid, my endurance wasn’t that bad. During track events, I chose the longer distances. Then again, I remember going to a track meet at another school and not wanting to do the race. I didn’t come in last at least. In my high school fitness class, we had to run 5K at the end of the semester. I survived. Somehow.

Host a party.

Social anxiety means people and parties aren’t my thing. I didn’t go to formals. I didn’t go to prom. So for me, hosting a party will be quite a challenge.

Start a book club.

First, I need to find strangers who like to read. Then I have to get them to be my friend. That’s not an easy task because I seem to scare normal humans away. Let’s not get into my pettiness or the fact I burn bridges like people burn matches. Maybe I’m better off starting a virtual book club.

Knit a scarf.

If you’re willing to teach me how to sew, I’m willing to learn. I can teach you how not to sing in return. Sounds like a fair trade if you ask me.

Personal Reflection

You Don’t Have To Do Everything

I often need to remind myself that I don’t have to do everything. Besides, I only have 24 hours in a day like everyone else.

There’s only so much I can do. Too bad I’m super stubborn. Even during the school year, I still try to do what I did over the summer.

I’m doing my best, and that’s all I can do. I strive for balance. It’s tough though. But I like my lifestyle. I have what I need. Hopefully, I can sustain my way of life for a long time.

As much as I love the idea of daily habits, I can’t do all of them some days. Which is why I should prioritize. Depending on the circumstances, I might put one thing before another.

I also can’t wait to graduate. Most likely, I will find work afterwards. Maybe in the future, I’ll return to university, but as of right now, I’m ready to begin my career.

I’ve done a lot in school. I want to do a lot in the real world too.

I have no idea what I’ll be doing in a few months. Or where I’ll be for that matter.

One day, I hope to look back and think my hard work paid off. Until then I’ll tell myself I don’t have to do everything. It’s okay to focus on a few things at a time.

Personal Reflection

Trying To Live A Little More

I haven’t always been easy on myself.

Right now more than anything, I want to live more, live better. I don’t want to be too hard on myself like I have been in the past. It’s not helpful.

I’m an all or nothing type of person though. Because of my goals, I have to make sacrifices. I don’t mind giving certain things up, but I can’t do everything. That doesn’t stop me from trying though.

Hopefully, as I grow older, I get better at not expecting too much of myself every single day. I’m all for pushing my limits, but at some point, I just can’t push any further.

This year, during my recovery, I really had to listen to my body. To be honest, I think I’ve strayed away from that. So going forward, I will strive to be nicer to myself.

Somehow, I’ve has the discipline to keep up with many of my daily habits. Still, it’s not the end of the world if I miss a day.

I’ve been so hard on myself. I feel like a failure if I don’t read, write, blog, etc. I should probably refrain from that way of thinking. Instead of telling myself I have to do X, Y, Z every day for the rest of my life, I should tell myself to do the best I can.

I don’t enjoy spreading myself too thin. I’d rather do a few things well instead of doing a lot of stuff poorly.

At the end of the day, I need to give myself more credit. I’m doing just fine.

Personal Reflection

What Are You Going To Do After Graduation?

I don’t know what I’m doing post-grad. It makes me anxious just thinking about it. But everyone and their dogs love to ask, “what are you going to do after graduation?”

I keep changing my mind. I can’t decide. Still, I’ll try to summarize my goals for 2019 in a nutshell.

My last semester starts in January and ends in April. That’s crazy. I’m so close to being done.

The graduation ceremony is in June. I wouldn’t miss that for the world.

Afterwards, I’ll probably work. I have no idea what or where. Regardless of my day job, I still plan to blog and write as much as possible next year.

I’ve never spent entire days or an extended period of time working on my own creative projects. Perhaps one day, I can get to a point where that’s possible.

On my hand, I feel like I need to work all the time. On the other, I also need to live my life. I’ll figure things out.

If I want to go back to school, I will. If not, I can find a job. I’d love to travel too, see more of the world.

Whatever I end up doing, I will do my best. And whatever I end up not doing is probably for the better.

Personal Reflection

Before You Learn To Fly, You Must Learn To Fall

Life is too short to hold back, yet I do. As much as I tell myself I don’t care what people think, my actions or lack thereof speak for themselves. I care. Sometimes I care way too much.

Life also hit me hard this year, literally and figuratively. At least, it isn’t about how hard I get hit, but rather how hard I hit back.

I love this blog with my whole heart, but sometimes that makes it harder to post. Every now and then, I think I can’t share something because it doesn’t relate to writing or reading. Still, I want to live my life and create content I love. So I’m trying to let go of the boundaries I set for myself.

I wish I could write whatever I want and share my work with the world. No doubts. No talking myself out of it.

On certain days, I feel bolder than others. Of course, there are times where I play things safe.

I often think about the consequences of putting myself out there. Then again, I have to.

The unknown terrifies every cell in my body. I’m such a planner. I want every little detail to be planned out ahead of time. But I can’t control everything or command everyone.

It’s okay to enjoy the moment. I’m learning to let go of the past. After all, the present is all I have. And I know better than most that life is so short. It can be cut short at any moment.

Fear of failure is the worst. I wish I could be afraid of heights or spiders instead.

I don’t want to hold myself back forever. I guess I haven’t felt ready to spread my wings. But before you learn to fly, you must learn to fall. You must first learn to fail.

Personal Reflection

When You Have No Idea What You’re Doing

Sometimes I have no idea what I’m doing. I know I’m not alone in that regard. But I feel like everybody else knows what they’re doing, and I’m the only one who doesn’t have my life together.

I realize I don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. I shouldn’t rush myself just because someone is doing something I haven’t done yet.

I try my best not to force anything. Then again, I feel like an imposter when I’m being true to myself. Partly because in my eyes the real me isn’t good enough, which is so problematic.

I dislike pressure from other people. I don’t handle it well at all. I’ll be living my life, taking one step at a time and then it feels like someone shoves me from behind. Instead of going faster, I’ll slip or trip. I’ll fall flat on my face.

Rather than rising to the occasion, I crack under pressure. The facade fades away before my failures become exposed for all to see.

I don’t always know what I’m doing. Even when I do, I’m not very confident. Self-doubt and second-guessing will be the death of me.

I lack confidence in many areas of life. That said, I truly believe anyone can get better at anything with practice. Humans have the ability to grow and improve. That’s a beautiful thing We shouldn’t take for granted.

What’s more, everyone has unique strengths and weaknesses. It’s okay to be bad at certain things. It’s not the end of the world.

Besides, you can learn. You can turn what used to be a weakness into a strength. Or at the very least, you can strengthen your weaknesses.

I often try to remind myself that so long as I do my best, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Personal Reflection

All Your Hard Work Will Pay Off

Your hard work will pay off. Perhaps not right away but one day.

You reap what you sow. You get out what you put in. If you’re going to do something, go full out, not halfway.

Never stop learning. It doesn’t end when you graduate from high school, college, or university.

Don’t rest on your laurels. Continue to prove yourself.

Your sacrifices will be worth it. You can’t do everything. Know what you’re OK giving up and what you’re not.

Always take care of yourself. Make your own needs a priority.

You matter. You’re good enough. You have what it takes.

You’re closer to the end then you realize. Finish strong. Leave a good lasting impression.

Be kind to your body. Because you only have one. Listen to it.

Do something every day that brings a smile to your face. Find the thing you love with your whole heart and never be ashamed.

Remember to relax even when the going gets rough. The world will work itself out.

Live without regrets. Life is too short. There are no guarantees.

Instead of looking back or thinking far ahead, focus on the present. Enjoy the moment.

You are not alone. Other people are in the same boat.

It’s OK to cry. Allow yourself to feel. Let yourself express your emotions.

Take all the time you need. You can’t rush things, especially when you’re not ready. But remember sometimes you have to take a leap of faith.

Do what feels right. No matter what, stay true to who you are.

Be proud. You’ve gotten this far, and there’s a lot further for you to go.

Don’t worry. Stop sweating every small detail. It will seem impossible until you realize it’s possible.

Personal Reflection

Trying To Trust The Process

There are so many things I want to do before I die. And it’s hard to be patient. But I’m trying to trust the process.

I think I overthink. No, I know I do. I make everything more complicated than it needs to be, which is exhausting.

I’ll do better. I will do my best.

I can’t be anyone else. I can only be myself. Sometimes I feel like an imposter. Who am I to write, to create?

I tend to elevate others and downplay my own abilities. So in my mind, everyone is better than me. On bad days, I wonder why even try if I’ll never be good enough? Why bother in the first place?

Life is too short. I used to be afraid of dying. But right now, I’m scared I’m not living up to my full potential. I need to face my own fears. It’s fine to fail. To be ignored or rejected.

I wish I didn’t take things too personally. I should grow a thicker layer of skin.

I don’t have any major regrets though. I wouldn’t change my choices. Still, I’ll continue to grow. I want to focus on improving myself.

It’s not always how you start but how you finish, right?