Personal Reflection

Why I Am Terrified To Drive

I remember falling to the ground. Crying. Screaming. Hurting. I’ve never been in this much pain before.

I remember he’s not that much older than me. I’m sitting and he’s standing.

I remember the colour of the car. It’s blue. Light blue to be exact.

I remember now in that moment, I didn’t want anyone near me. But people started to approach.

I’m so terrified that one day the roles will be reversed. That the tables will turn.

I could never put someone else through that. A car versus a human. It hurts like hell. Recovery is hard.

I can’t stop thinking how a complete stranger completely changed the course of my life.

The front of the car hit my right leg. I fell on my left elbow. I had to have x-rays done. Fortunately, I didn’t break any bones. But in the days to come, I couldn’t even use my arm to adjust the glasses on my face, much less turn a steering wheel. So I stopped driving. And for a while, I was scared to drive again.

Even before everything happened, I felt anxious about driving. The accident made me more anxious.

I needed to write this post not for anyone else but for myself. Writing has always been my way of coping.

I know I have my demons. But I also know I can defeat them.

Nearly 11 months later, I finally took my road test and passed.

I can’t believe I went from so low to so high in the span of one year. From getting hit by a car to getting my G2 license.

Personal Reflection

Getting Hit By A Car: The Day After

I’m sore. I’m tired. Everything hurts. But I’m alive.

I have a story to tell, many in fact. I’ll be talking about this incident for a long time.

To be honest, I need some time to work through things. I can’t ask you to stick around, but I’d appreciate it if you do.

So much of my life has changed, yet I want the core of who I am to stay the same.

I suspect I’ll be a broken record on repeat for a long time. Then again, I was a broken record before. I’m even more broken after.

Before and after. That’s how I think about my life now. Before the accident. After the accident.

I’m trying to take life one day at a time. I can’t bring myself to think too far ahead. I have a long road ahead of me. Hopefully.

The physical pain will heal faster than the mental and emotional. I’m not sure all the pain will ever truly go away. Still, it’ll fade with time.

I like to think I can get back on track again soon. If I miss a day of blogging, bear with me. If my posts become boring, read something else. Life’s too short.

Personally, I write to make sense of what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling. So I hope to look back one day and know I made it out okay.

As always, I can’t thank you all enough.

Personal Reflection

I Was Hit By A Car

I had the right of way while walking across the street. A car hit me on my right side, and I fell down on my left.

After spending about half an hour on the ground and about 30 minutes in an ambulance, I spent another 4 hours at the hospital.

Waiting so long gave me a lot of time to think. I even wondered whether I’d tell anyone about what happened.

I know I’ll remember this day for the rest of my life.

Everyone told me I’m okay. But I don’t feel okay. I don’t feel fine on the inside. My body hurts so much.

Still, I realize I’m lucky to be alive. I’m lucky to walk out of this with my life.

Wrong place, wrong time. Accidents happen.

I don’t want to be angry or bitter. I don’t want to cry any more than I already have. I do want to move on.

That being said, I feel scared. I’m terrified I won’t be the same. I have no idea how much this incident will affect me from now until the day I die.

I wish I could brush it all under the rug. Too bad I can’t.

February 6th, 2018 was the worst day of my life.