Scars To Show | A Poem

head turns

seeing dots

room spins

voices buzz

listen

nod along

play the role

expected to

fight and fend

not the same

anymore

give your heart a break

being broken takes a toll

try to breathe

a little more

keep your head above water

shallow treading

drowning deep

get out

escape near death

with scars to show

Works Out | A Poem

I'm shaking

Don't want to think

Every time I do

I remember something

I didn't allow myself to live

Because I was blind

Didn't realize

I'm worth it

Capable of more

And when one door closes

Ten others open

What happened that day

Made me strive

To do better

Than the people who thought

I couldn't put my name on the map

Tried not to get discouraged

The universe is funny

It works out all right

Why I Have A Hard Time Sharing My Creative Writing

Sharing my creative writing with others is a challenge to say the least.

The other day I was trying to pick a story to send to two strangers for their feedback. I had the hardest time emailing a copy of my work to them.

There's something personal about openly sharing your stories with someone else. To an extent, some of my blog posts are personal, and I don't have a problem posting those for the world to see. With creative writing however, I feel as though I'm exposing more of myself.

As I've said, these two are strangers. I think I'd be more comfortable with sharing if I knew them longer, trusted them more. I'm sure they're wonderful human beings. It's still tough to open up and feel vulnerable in front of people you hardly know.

If I had a penny for every times I've said I wanted to get better, I'd be one wealthy woman. Even though I do hope to improve, I'm not the best at asking for feedback. Ditto for applying any feedback I receive.

I'm stubborn. Worse, I have a gigantic ego that loves to get in the way. On a good day, I'm able to shove it aside for the sake of my art.

Every time I've put my art first before my ego, the former benefits greatly.

I say the following not to brag, but to make it clear that I had a different, unusual path when I started out as a writer and blogger. I found success early on in both endeavours. In some ways, I was even more successful a few years ago than I have been recently.

So, for many reasons, my ego was inflated in high school. A part of me thought I always knew what was best, what was right.

Of course, that's not always the case.

Over time, my ego has taken a good beating.

I'm at a point now where I feel confident, not cocky in my abilities. After all, I've come a long way, but I still have plenty of room for improvement.

I can identify strengths and weaknesses in my own work. But having an outside perspective point out certain problems can make all the difference.

What I want to say ultimately boils down to these points:

Sharing your writing with strangers isn't easy. It can be a vulnerable experience. That's okay, though. So long as you don't let your ego stop you from improving your art in every way possible. And sometimes the best thing you can do is to put your ego aside and listen to others.

I think I've reaffirmed what I knew all along. Egos suck.

Never Sees You | A Poem

Dry tissues turn wet

can't contain the tears

they've been shed already

You'll throw trash away

when you're able to

bear the pain

but the next morning

you still recall

Your sore eyes

are a reminder

that you're tired

and you can't wake up

from this nightmare

These thoughts won't leave

you try to rid them

somewhere safe

You made a promise

it's been hard to keep

after the day

he pulled the curtain down

Now he finally sees

what you tried to hide

all this time

A Pawn | A Short Story

They targeted her. The men set their sights on Ava and didn't rest until they had her where they wanted. Then they made a call.

"Hello Ava?" came the voice on the other end.

"Ava can't come to the phone right now, Joshua. She's a little tied up." That sent the trio of guys gathered around the phone into a chorus of laughter.

"What the hell? Let her go. This has nothing to do with her, Lawrence." Joshua started breathing faster.

Lawrence flicked his gaze to Ava who was unconscious. "By association she has everything to do with this."

"She knows nothing."

"You underestimate her intelligence, Joshie boy. She knows more than you think."

Josh gritted his teeth together. "I swear to God if you so much as touch a hair on her head, you'll—"

"What, huh?" Lawrence chuckled. "Don't worry. She's fine. Isn't that right, Ava?" He grinned as he walked over to her in the corner of the room.

"You'll—" Josh began but Lawrence had hung up before he could get another word out.

Lawrence ran his hand through Ava's long hair. "I'm going to make your boss pay for what he's done. You're just a pawn in this game." He shook his head. "How could someone so smart be so stupid? You would've been fine if you had minded your own damn business. But you decided to get involved, stick your head where it doesn't belong. Unlucky. Or maybe I should say you deserve what's coming."

He clenched his other hand into a fist, but it was precisely that moment Ava woke up.

Her eyelids fluttered open, exposing two dark irises contrasted against the bright whites of her eyes. She took in Lawrence's gruffy face and pale skin before her world went dark again.

Life To Live | A Poem

Wind in hair

sand in toes

A stillness settles

in my bones

I could lie here forever

capture a moment that’s mine alone

I gave my life for this cause

steered the ship I’m on

navigated rough waters

docked in harbours

set foot on land

explored the forest

crossed a desert

Still I stand

with a hand over my heart

so long as it keeps beating

I still have more life to live

More Than Me | A Poem

I’m sorry

on my knees

begging please

You shouldn’t suffer

I see the way

your heart bleeds

and your mind

can’t stop moving

because you care too much

They don’t understand

never tried to

My strength isn’t enough

it can’t be

what you need

You’ll stay my hero

the reflection

I want in the mirror

when I wake up every day

I hear your words

don’t always listen

like I should

I realize now

you don’t relax

wish you’d do more than

go to bed

sleep and wake up

I hate feeling sorry

like I owe you

more than me

Might Be Better | A Poem

See the ball and hit it

as hard as you can

If you aren’t willing to go full out

then stay seated on the bench

Stretch and stay loose

You never know when you need to

do something new

Like leap for an opportunity

a chance within your reach

Or dive for an offer

a one time experience

When you’re at the plate

in the bottom of the eighth

You have a shot to turn things around

Don’t like where you are

Have you tried to change

what’s broken

The alternative might be better

than you ever imagined

Label Below Your Level | A Poem

Just you wait

You’ll see

An all-consuming shadow

A fire you can’t extinguish

You think I follow

Like I don’t mind

That I never go where I want

And spend time with someone I like

I’d take pity on you

But it’s not worth my time

You’ll probably die

Before you realize

I will do anything in my power

To convince you otherwise

If only so

One day

You’ll learn my name

Treat me like a human being

Rather than a label below your level

Dream In Colour | A Poem

Why continue or go on

If all you feel is pain

And it hurts to take a breath

Let alone many more

Why not stop, give up now

While there’s a chance

When you still can

Before that option is gone away

Stolen like a thief in the night

But you believe in a greater cause

That somehow there’s a payoff

Maybe one day you’ll look back

Think to yourself it wasn’t so bad

You lost all you knew

Never thought you would

But having nothing left on the line

Makes you dangerous

You started to dare

And dream in colour