- They know how to dispose of bodies.
- They’ve memorized the meanings of random names.
- They clean as a way to procrastinate.
- They’re friends with other writers.
- They tell real and fictional stories.
- They’ll listen when you talk.
- They want to go to bookstores.
- They give people space.
- They have the best taste.
- They don’t have a sleeping schedule.
I may be single, but I’m in a serious relationship with my blog.
You call the shots. Do what you want, wherever you want? Don’t have to wait for anyone or anything? Free reign over any and every decision? Sign me up.
You can take breaks. If you’re busy, you can put blogging on hold. Mow imagine telling that a boyfriend or girlfriend you want to put your relationship on hold.
You make your own happiness. Never rely on someone to make you happy. Why would you when there’s an always reliable blog in your life.
Your blog will always be there for you. Unlike human beings who are too busy living their own lives. Their loss.
You confront a blank page, not a real person. It’s the best and worst thing about being a blogger. There will always be a brand new post waiting for you in the wings.
Blogging is, without a doubt, better than dating.
Reason One: We would rarely see one another.
“Oh, are you busy tonight?”
“Are you busy every day for the next year?”
“Okay. See you a year and a day from now?”
“On second thought, I might be busy then.”
Case in point.
Reason Two: We would be more in love with our work (read: fictional characters) rather than each other.
“I love my current protagonist.”
“Oh yeah? Right now, I love my antagonist.”
“Do you love me?”
“Not as much as I love my antagonist, no.”
“That’s okay. The feeling is mutual. I love my protagonist more than I’ll ever love you.”
That’s one healthy relationship.
Reason Three: We would be poor separately but penniless together.
“So uh, are you paying for this?”
“I thought you were.”
“I don’t have any cash with me.”
“Neither do I.”
“Well we could always starve, live on the streets, and wear the clothes on our backs for the rest of our lives.”
What a bright future we have together.
I have reached the end of this post, which is a little different from my normal ones. I know I’m being dramatic and exaggerating the truth. That’s the whole point. Of course most of you know I don’t mean to offend or insult anyone. Especially all the lovely writers reading this.
I originally wrote this post for fun (more like my sanity), but now I’m starting to think dating another writer wouldn’t be so bad. We’d both pursue our dreams, enjoy what we do, and go through hardships like any couple. This entire post is wildly inaccurate. I may just rename it to…