Personal Reflection

Before You Learn To Fly, You Must Learn To Fall

Life is too short to hold back, yet I do. As much as I tell myself I don’t care what people think, my actions or lack thereof speak for themselves. I care. Sometimes I care way too much.

Life also hit me hard this year, literally and figuratively. At least, it isn’t about how hard I get hit, but rather how hard I hit back.

I love this blog with my whole heart, but sometimes that makes it harder to post. Every now and then, I think I can’t share something because it doesn’t relate to writing or reading. Still, I want to live my life and create content I love. So I’m trying to let go of the boundaries I set for myself.

I wish I could write whatever I want and share my work with the world. No doubts. No talking myself out of it.

On certain days, I feel bolder than others. Of course, there are times where I play things safe.

I often think about the consequences of putting myself out there. Then again, I have to.

The unknown terrifies every cell in my body. I’m such a planner. I want every little detail to be planned out ahead of time. But I can’t control everything or command everyone.

It’s okay to enjoy the moment. I’m learning to let go of the past. After all, the present is all I have. And I know better than most that life is so short. It can be cut short at any moment.

Fear of failure is the worst. I wish I could be afraid of heights or spiders instead.

I don’t want to hold myself back forever. I guess I haven’t felt ready to spread my wings. But before you learn to fly, you must learn to fall. You must first learn to fail.

Writing

Struggling To Write As Of Late

I’ve been struggling to write as of late. Technically, I’m still writing, but it’s been a grind.

I still love writing. Sometimes I have bad days or bad weeks though.

I’m not sure when I started writing every day. Safe to say, it’s been a long time. No, I don’t always write as much as I want to. But I never want an excuse to get in the way.

Being a writer really is like having homework every night for the rest of your life. I hope I’m still working away decades from now as an old grandma.

When I first decided to make writing a daily habit, I didn’t realize what I was signing up for. I’m only 20 years old. Assuming I live a long time, I have many days ahead of me. Which also means I’ll be writing a lot of words.

Growing up, I wrote without a care in the world. I didn’t think about anything else except putting pen to paper. I wasn’t writing to please other people. I was just having fun.

These days, I think I’ve been making the creative process a lot harder than it needs to be. I’m overthinking before I even make a mark on the page. That’s no way to write.

Here’s to letting go of all the doubts and fears. Just write. Don’t worry so much about the other stuff.

Personal Reflection

Fears, Doubts, And Uncertainties

Because almost nothing in life is a guarantee, there will always be some degree of uncertainty to it.

I’m at a point in life where I have doubts. I don’t know as much as I’d like to. I have more questions than answers.

I feel somewhat scared when I think about the future, especially imagining worst-case scenarios. What if nothing works out?

As I get older, there are more things I’m expected to do that I’ve never done before. Obligations and responsibilities galore. Being an adult isn’t so glamorous.

First time for everything, right? Oftentimes the first anything isn’t easy. First job. First love. First house.

Taking things one day at a time helps. Otherwise, I’d get overwhelmed thinking about my life thirty years from now.

After all, we only ever have right now. This very moment. The present.

Even though I joke about being old, I’m only twenty. I haven’t been around that long. I still have so much to experience. If anything, I’m just getting started.

When I was younger, I felt more confident in myself. I believed in my abilities. But right now, I’m not so sure.

I feel like I’m standing on uneven ground.

To be frank, I’m not where I want to be. Far from it. Hopefully, I’ll get where I want to go sooner rather than later. When the time is right, I’ll get to my destination.

I don’t feel ready or prepared at all for anything. But that’s okay. I’ll learn as fast as I can. I can always get better.

I can’t redo some firsts. But I can use those experiences the second time around, the third, so on and so forth.

Who cares if I fail the first time? Who cares if I don’t do well right away?

So what if I lose instead of win? So what if I get rejected 99 times out of 100?

If everything came easy, what would be the point of doing anything at all?

Writing this has given me some much needed perspective. I hope it helps anyone out there who needed to hear these words.

No matter what happens, you’re going to be okay.

Writing

Dear Insecure Writers

To all you wonderful writers out there, know your worth even if no one else does. 

Love your writing because it’s special, unique, original. Love yourself for the same reason. 

Writing

I Want To Write

“What do you want to do?”

Such a simple question. Yet the answer is much more complex.

“I want to write.”

The straightforward reason is I love writing. But what keeps me going? What keeps me from giving up?

Loving writing is important.

But what happens if or when you don’t love it anymore? After a while you may end up hating something you once loved.

Although I love writing and I know in my core it is the one and only thing I need in my life, I want to write because I feel like I have a story to tell. If I didn’t write…my voice, my story would go unheard. Words on paper always have a stronger impact and influence than words spoken aloud. Perhaps, the words last longer since the words are on the page—imprinted there forever unless you burn the piece of paper of course, which I highly don’t recommend.

Furthermore, I want to write because I’ve seen writing help different people from all walks of life in various ways. Knowing that even one person in this world reads what I say and is affected by my words have a certain empowerment factor to it. That’s not all: when I am writing I am free from burdens of my past, free from distractions in the present, and free from doubts about my future.

So in many ways, my wanting to write cannot be summed up easily. Has this post made my answer more complicated? I hope not.