Trying To Trust The Process

There are so many things I want to do before I die. And it’s hard to be patient. But I’m trying to trust the process.

I think I overthink. No, I know I do. I make everything more complicated than it needs to be, which is exhausting.

I’ll do better. I will do my best.

I can’t be anyone else. I can only be myself. Sometimes I feel like an imposter. Who am I to write, to create?

I tend to elevate others and downplay my own abilities. So in my mind, everyone is better than me. On bad days, I wonder why even try if I’ll never be good enough? Why bother in the first place?

Life is too short. I used to be afraid of dying. But right now, I’m scared I’m not living up to my full potential. I need to face my own fears. It’s fine to fail. To be ignored or rejected.

I wish I didn’t take things too personally. I should grow a thicker layer of skin.

I don’t have any major regrets though. I wouldn’t change my choices. Still, I’ll continue to grow. I want to focus on improving myself.

It’s not always how you start but how you finish, right?

22 Things I’m Terrified Of

A list of things that scare me to some extent.

1. Driving. It still terrifies me.
2. Failure. I hate failing.
3. Rejection. Not as horrifying as it used to be.
4. Being late. I have nightmares about this.
5. Getting drunk. I like being sober and in control.
6. Living in a world without baseball. I wouldn’t want to live in such a world.
7. Noise. Loud noises to be exact.
8. Heat. I don’t want to burn myself.
9. War. Any kind of violence.
10. Blood. Other people’s specifically.
11. Band-aids. More unsettling than anything.
12. Germs. I’m a germaphobe.
13. Forgetting. Especially anything important.
14. Twisting my ankle while walking down the stairs. Happened one too many times.
15. Being out at night. I feel unsafe.
16. Darkness. I used to be afraid of the dark.
17. Dying before I realize my dreams. No need to elaborate there.
18. Dropping money. I’d prefer not to.
19. Losing IDs. What a hassle to replace them.
20. Drowning. Let’s hope I don’t die in a body of water.
21. Getting lost. I’m terrible with directions.
22. Car accidents. This might explain my first fear.

What are you terrified of?

Writing, Dying, and Living

If I did not live, I would rather die. 

If I did not write, I would rather die. 

If I die, I would rather live and write.