Personal Reflection

On Gaining And Losing Trust

I have trust issues.

If a person can’t keep their word, I find it hard to put my faith in them. So it’s hard for people to gain my trust but easy to lose it.

I get it. People make mistakes. We’re human after all. But I’m awful at forgiving others. For my own sake, I should.

I hate when people lie to my face or make a promise and break it. Then again, I’m a hypocrite. I wouldn’t want anyone to betray or backstab me, especially someone I trust.

As I get older, the circle of individuals I trust gets smaller and smaller. Which is fine with me honestly. It saves a lot of time.

I’m not an easy person to impress. I can’t even impress myself. It’s a blessing and a curse, let me tell you. I also get disappointed easily because I hold high expectations. Some days, I hold myself to a standard that drives me insane.

We can’t pick family, but at least we can pick friends.

I love fictional characters because they’ll never not be there for you. Maybe one day I’ll find a real human being I trust completely.

In short, I trust like two people.

School

Education, Ego, Expectation

We’ve reached that point in the semester where professors start crushing my fragile ego.

What a time to be alive.

But I’ll manage somehow.

I still don’t know how I did so well in my first year. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t as jaded. I’m much more cynical now as well. Or maybe it’s because I actually read the assigned articles and books.

Second year was an inconsistent one. I was all over the place with my grades. I did better in some courses than others, which makes sense. But the negativity bias gets me every time. So I tend to focus on all the bad marks rather than the good ones.

I’m not sure how the rest of this year will play out, but if I’m failing miserably and drowning in school work, you’ll hear all about it.

As someone who prioritizes my passions among other things, I’m still content with where I stand right now. Although if you give me another month, I might change my mind. I’m human after all.

Let’s talk about opportunity cost, shall we? I’m aware the time I spend dancing every day could be spent studying. But I choose to dance. And that isn’t going to change even if I’m not getting a 4.0 GPA.

Many things matter more to me than my grades. My health. My happiness.

Because I have high expectations for myself, I’m not sure I’ll ever be happy with any mark. Oh, a 90? That’s not a 95, is it? An A-? Why not an A+?

Maybe I should never check my grades ever again. I’m fairly confident I won’t fail anything. I don’t have to worry about that. If I did, I’d be a complete wreck.

Ignorance is bliss. What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

Or perhaps I should check all my grades and have my ego destroyed every single time.

Either way, I don’t benefit. You just can’t win as a student, can you?

All this being said, I love learning. I’m grateful to be able to get an education. I hope I never take that for granted.

I’m fortunate. I’m lucky. I can’t imagine not being able to go to school. I can’t imagine not knowing how to read or write. And my heart breaks for everyone out there who aren’t in a position to learn.

I still think I’ll jump for joy and do cartwheels around my house when I graduate in 2019. I can’t wait. I’m excited to experience life after school.

There’s so much I want to do. And turning down full-time job offers because I’m a full-time student isn’t something I want to do my whole life.

For now, I’ll try to enjoy the good things about being a student and embrace the bad.

Personal Reflection

People (Touching Technology) Pet Peeves

These are my pet peeves pertaining to technology. Now that I think about it, technology isn’t what peeves me. People peeve me. Hence the strange title.

My three main ones at the moment are:

  • People touching my computer screen.
  • People touching my Surface keyboard.
  • People touching my Apple iPhone.

Anyone touching anything of mine without explicit permission from me needs to be taught a lesson.

Also, I want to start doing more list posts. Let’s see how well I follow through with my promise. I would tell you to start expecting awesome posts this summer, but expectations can lead to disappointment.

Blogging · Reading · Writing

6 Happy Things

  • When a book is better than you thought it would be.
  • When a book keeps you from eating or sleeping.
  • When a sentence is solid and structurally sound.
  • When a sentence sounds beautiful to your ears.
  • When a post is finished, published, and enjoyed by many.
  • When a post exceeds your expectations in every way.
Writing

Submitting My Soul Away, Fame, And Unicorns

Whenever I submit something anywhere, I always feel like I’m submitting my soul away. Writing is and always will be personal. Letting someone else read what I have written is perhaps one of the hardest things to do. At least for me it is.

On one hand, I guess I shouldn’t really care too much. After all, it’s not like these competition judges/editors/writers know who I am. Which makes me wonder what happens when you’re famous. When everyone and their moms know your name. Then you have expectations to meet, standards to uphold.

I swear on anything, fame will be the death of me. That’s why I will enjoy my life right now when nobody really knows me. And I will try not to do anything insanely crazy, stupid, or astonishing. If I do, then I will pray that I won’t suddenly be in the spotlight and become so well known that I can’t live a normal, peaceful life.

I know I totally digressed from my point about submitting my soul away. So I guess I should end my post here before I start talking about unicorns and rainbows.

Then again, I’ve always wanted to write a story about a unicorn and incorporate the symbolic meaning of a rainbow into my novel.

Writing

A Good Writer Getting A Bad Mark In English Class?

The title says it all.

But really this post explains why sometimes the best writers do not achieve the highest grade in class. How can someone who loves writing not excel in English class you ask? Read on.

  • You know too much. Sometimes a little too much. You might argue that this is a good thing but ignorance can lead to bliss. In many cases, ignorance is bliss. For instance, you’ve probably read about every novel assigned to you and when the teacher asks you to make a prediction on what happens next, you can’t. You already know what happens next. Your teacher might suggest the all too common, “PRETEND you haven’t read the book.” But really? Can you ever pretend to not have read a book, especially if said book is your all-time favourite book ever. Now about that prediction…
  • Again since you know so much already, you end up bored. Why listen to your teacher explain how to write a short story when you do that every day anyway? Why pay attention to a lesson on dangling modifiers or comma splices or any other grammatical concept when you’ve committed the definitions/rules to memory already? Heck, why bother to attend class anymore? (I’m allowed to say “heck” right? Sorry if I offended anyone.)
  • Lastly, being a devoted writer means you’re most likely crazy at best or delusional at worst. So excelling in English class may or may not be one of your priorities since you’re probably working on a query to an agent or an essay that will be submitted to a prestigious periodical or magazine. So what if your inquiry paper is due tomorrow? Being published is much more fascinating, not to mention more rewarding than finishing all your outstanding assignments for a class.

On a final note, many writers have high expectations. So a writer’s definition of a bad mark is likely not that bad at all.