Personal Reflection · Writing

My Biggest Fear In Life

My biggest fear in life isn’t failure. It’s not trying.

I somehow convince myself that I’m not good enough. As a result, I don’t try sometimes.

It’s 2019, and I’m still just as hard on myself, if not even harder.

I have to try. I have to try my best.

I know I don’t handle failure well though. I’m working on it. I wish I could easily embrace mistakes.

I’m aware that by not trying, in a way I avoid failing. Still, I fail in a different way. I fail if I don’t try.

This year, I want to take risks I haven’t before. If I don’t try, I’ll never know. If I don’t ask, the answer will always be no.

When I was younger, I was more fearless, less afraid. Back then, I felt like I had less to lose. But I don’t have much to lose now either.

Ideally, I’d publish a book before I have kids. Now that I’ve put my intention out into the world, I hope to follow through. The first step is trying to tell the best story I can. I’ve given myself a somewhat flexible due date. Without a timeline of some kind, I could spend my whole life writing novels but never publishing them. At this point, I just need to start somewhere. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, starting is the hardest part.

Blogging · Personal Reflection

Blogging Without Knowing What I Want To Blog About

Here’s a little bit about my blogging process.

Most of the time, I’ll write a first draft by hand. Then I transcribe them. I make graphics afterwards. Later I will edit the post. And last but not least I hit publish.

But this time around I wrote a draft, transcribed it, made a graphic, and then deleted the whole post. To be more specific, I created this graphic when I was trying to write a blog post but didn’t know what I wanted to say.

So now I’m writing an entire post on my phone from complete scratch. I almost never do that.

All that to say, don’t mind the not so relevant graphic or this more personal than usual post.

Anyway, I just wanted to get this off my chest.

I’ve been very anxious lately, especially over these past few days.

I feel a lot of emotions. I realize I don’t know everything. I don’t have answers to many things. Which is part of life. But it’s been hard to write or blog because I’m not even sure who I am.

I hate feeling like I’m not good enough. But right now I feel like I’m not enough, like I’ll never be good enough.

I don’t take failure well at all. I wish I did. But my fragile ego hates failing.

I think I feel like I fail because I’m not always on the same track at the same time as everybody else.

It took me a long time to learn that I don’t have to rush life. I can take my time. I am where I need to be. I’ll get where I want to go eventually.

I don’t have to get published by a certain age. I don’t have to get a boyfriend, get married, etc., by a certain time.

I wish I could say everything that’s in my brain more eloquently.

I’m allowed to go at my own pace. I’m also allowed to fail and mess up and make my mistakes. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean I’m not good enough.

Personal Reflection

Before You Learn To Fly, You Must Learn To Fall

Life is too short to hold back, yet I do. As much as I tell myself I don’t care what people think, my actions or lack thereof speak for themselves. I care. Sometimes I care way too much.

Life also hit me hard this year, literally and figuratively. At least, it isn’t about how hard I get hit, but rather how hard I hit back.

I love this blog with my whole heart, but sometimes that makes it harder to post. Every now and then, I think I can’t share something because it doesn’t relate to writing or reading. Still, I want to live my life and create content I love. So I’m trying to let go of the boundaries I set for myself.

I wish I could write whatever I want and share my work with the world. No doubts. No talking myself out of it.

On certain days, I feel bolder than others. Of course, there are times where I play things safe.

I often think about the consequences of putting myself out there. Then again, I have to.

The unknown terrifies every cell in my body. I’m such a planner. I want every little detail to be planned out ahead of time. But I can’t control everything or command everyone.

It’s okay to enjoy the moment. I’m learning to let go of the past. After all, the present is all I have. And I know better than most that life is so short. It can be cut short at any moment.

Fear of failure is the worst. I wish I could be afraid of heights or spiders instead.

I don’t want to hold myself back forever. I guess I haven’t felt ready to spread my wings. But before you learn to fly, you must learn to fall. You must first learn to fail.

Personal Reflection

Trying To Trust The Process

There are so many things I want to do before I die. And it’s hard to be patient. But I’m trying to trust the process.

I think I overthink. No, I know I do. I make everything more complicated than it needs to be, which is exhausting.

I’ll do better. I will do my best.

I can’t be anyone else. I can only be myself. Sometimes I feel like an imposter. Who am I to write, to create?

I tend to elevate others and downplay my own abilities. So in my mind, everyone is better than me. On bad days, I wonder why even try if I’ll never be good enough? Why bother in the first place?

Life is too short. I used to be afraid of dying. But right now, I’m scared I’m not living up to my full potential. I need to face my own fears. It’s fine to fail. To be ignored or rejected.

I wish I didn’t take things too personally. I should grow a thicker layer of skin.

I don’t have any major regrets though. I wouldn’t change my choices. Still, I’ll continue to grow. I want to focus on improving myself.

It’s not always how you start but how you finish, right?

Personal Reflection

Feeling Scared To Try New Things

The older I get, the more scared I am to try new things. I feel like I need to stay in my own lane. But I know I won’t grow if I don’t step outside my comfort zone.

I don’t always know what I want to do. I have to try new things before I can decide if it’s right for me.

I’m the type of person who has no problem seeking out new opportunities like applying for a job, internship, etc. But I don’t always follow through. Sometimes I have a valid reason. But other times I back down out of fear. Fear of failure. That I won’t be good enough.

I want to be more willing to try new things. I don’t want to let fear stop me from following through on opportunities that could change my life forever.

I should stop making assumptions or jumping to conclusions. After all, I won’t know whether I like something until I try it.

Oftentimes when I have to make a decision, I weigh the pros and cons. Unfortunately, it’s easier for me to think of disadvantages than advantages. Then again, there are positives I might not consider until I pursue something further.

It’s easy to play things safe. I might as well take a risk while I’m young though. I have very little to lose. If I find something isn’t right for me, that’s OK. If I fall in love with it, great. But I will never know unless I give myself a chance.

Writing

When You’re Feeling Anxious About The Future

When you’re feeling anxious about the future, remember to breathe. Focus on your breathing.

You can’t control everything. Change what you can. Don’t worry about the rest.

Double check. Triple check. Don’t let anything slip through the cracks. Make sure you’re on the right track.

Failure is inevitable. You will fail. You’ll lose. The key is to hold your head high.

Take rejection like a professional. You’re one step closer to success.

Try to live in the present. It’s so much easier said than done. But you only have today. You don’t know what tomorrow may bring, much less next year.

Appreciate your own accomplishments. You’re here because you’ve succeeded in the past. There’s no reason why you can’t succeed again.

Let go. Leave the baggage behind. Your past doesn’t dictate your future unless you let it. Likewise, your current circumstances don’t dictate what’s to come. Things change. People do too.

Believe in your dreams over your nightmares. One day, you will get where you want to go. But you have to take the steps to get there. Take life one day at a time, one deadline at a time.

You can’t do it all. You don’t have to. Everyone has 24 hours.

You’re stronger than you feel. You’re smarter than you think. In fact, you’re better than you know.

You can give something your all or you can get nothing instead.

Do what you want. Do what you need. Do makes you happy.

It’s OK to forget. Sometimes you have to forgive others. Other times, you have to forgive yourself.

Take care of your body now, so you’ll be healthy later. It’s easier to stay in shape than it is to get back into shape. Self-care extends beyond exercising.

If you’re struggling, ask for help. You’re not alone. You will never be.

When you’re anxious about the future, imagine a better world. Get excited about new possibilities. You don’t need to have all the answers, just a desire to ask questions.

Personal Reflection

What I Would Tell My Younger Self

Now that I’m a year older, here are some things I want to tell my younger self.

  • You’re not nice. Especially to yourself. Be kinder.
  • Pay attention to your posture. Sit up straight. It’s not that hard, Herminia.
  • You will fail. That’s inevitable. Unless you don’t try, which is even worse.
  • It’s OK to cry. Even and especially when you have no idea why you’re crying in the first place.
  • You’re allowed to ask for help. Oftentimes you have little or nothing to lose but a lot to gain.
  • Listen to your body. If you’re tired, sleep. If you’re hungry, eat. After all, you only have one heart, one brain.
  • You don’t have to love everything. Don’t hate everything either.
  • Numbers will never define you. They aren’t a measure of your self-worth.
  • Always challenge yourself. Step outside of your comfort zone. That’s how you’ll grow.
  • Try to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. Be realistic though.
  • You can’t live someone else’s life. You can, however, live your own.
  • Don’t be too stubborn, but do you stand your ground. Otherwise, people will walk all over you.
  • You’re going to be OK. You might not feel fine right now. Yet one day, you will.
Personal Reflection

When You Feel Like You Aren’t Good Enough

You are. You’re enough.

Pick yourself up and brush off the dust. This journey is your own. But that doesn’t mean you’re alone. Someone cares. You might not think anyone does, but there is a person out there.

You always want to do more. But you only have 24 hours in the day. You can’t accomplish everything in one night. After all, no one is an overnight success.

Sometimes you feel lost. Then again, you’re finding your way just like everyone else.

No matter how long you’ve been doing something, you’re still learning all the time.

You don’t want to settle, so it’s difficult to feel satisfied. Make sure you celebrate small wins because they lead to bigger victories.

The world isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. All the more reason to be kind to yourself.

You’ve set the bar so high. So you keep reaching and falling short. One day, you will reach the stars. You’ll be higher than you’ve ever been before.

In an age where everything seems to happen instantaneously, it can be hard to be patient. You might want to quit. You’ll wonder if your destination is worth it. Trust your instincts.

Focus on the process, not the product. Concentrate on the things you can control. Don’t worry about what you can’t.

Look ahead. Move on. Imagine a better future.

Live a life you will not regret. Sometimes you only have one chance.

When you fail, remember you’re one step closer to success. None of your mistakes are in vain if you learn from them.

Drown out the noise, the negativity. Surround yourself around positive people.

Support others because beneath our differences, we’re all the same in the end.

You are good enough.