Personal Reflection

Fears, Doubts, And Uncertainties

Because almost nothing in life is a guarantee, there will always be some degree of uncertainty to it.

I’m at a point in life where I have doubts. I don’t know as much as I’d like to. I have more questions than answers.

I feel somewhat scared when I think about the future, especially imagining worst-case scenarios. What if nothing works out?

As I get older, there are more things I’m expected to do that I’ve never done before. Obligations and responsibilities galore. Being an adult isn’t so glamorous.

First time for everything, right? Oftentimes the first anything isn’t easy. First job. First love. First house.

Taking things one day at a time helps. Otherwise, I’d get overwhelmed thinking about my life thirty years from now.

After all, we only ever have right now. This very moment. The present.

Even though I joke about being old, I’m only twenty. I haven’t been around that long. I still have so much to experience. If anything, I’m just getting started.

When I was younger, I felt more confident in myself. I believed in my abilities. But right now, I’m not so sure.

I feel like I’m standing on uneven ground.

To be frank, I’m not where I want to be. Far from it. Hopefully, I’ll get where I want to go sooner rather than later. When the time is right, I’ll get to my destination.

I don’t feel ready or prepared at all for anything. But that’s okay. I’ll learn as fast as I can. I can always get better.

I can’t redo some firsts. But I can use those experiences the second time around, the third, so on and so forth.

Who cares if I fail the first time? Who cares if I don’t do well right away?

So what if I lose instead of win? So what if I get rejected 99 times out of 100?

If everything came easy, what would be the point of doing anything at all?

Writing this has given me some much needed perspective. I hope it helps anyone out there who needed to hear these words.

No matter what happens, you’re going to be okay.

Personal Reflection

Failure, Fear, And Feelings

This will come as a surprise to absolutely nobody, but I don't enjoy failing. And I hate feeling paralyzed by failure even more.

Unsurprisingly, I've failed in my life. Many times in fact. I've made mistakes and messed up. But I try not to let my past failures hold me back.

I don't want to stop taking risks because I feel scared of rejection.

That being said, I'm still afraid of things.

I can get over disappointing others, letting everyone else down. Yet I have a hard time moving past the idea of failing myself again and again.

My memory works great when remembering the bad. Not only do I remember my failures, I also have a knack for recalling my near failures.

What compounds the problem is my own perception of failure. My personal definition doesn't match up with any found in a dictionary. Some definition I have.

In the past, I used to tell my friends or classmates I failed a test. Most took that to mean I didn't ace it. I don't blame them.

For a while, I deemed any grade less than an A to be an F for failure.

When I think about my academic career thus far, I wonder how much of my success in school was because I felt so afraid of failing, I worked as hard as possible to ensure I wouldn't.

And although fear can be a great motivator, it can also be a dream killer.

The thought process for some may be if I'm going to fail anyway, why bother trying at all?

I hate that sort of mentality, but I also fall into this trap from time to time.

On certain days, I genuinely believe I'm not any good. (Writing the aforementioned sentence has made me emotional.)

I think I'm not enough. I'll never be smart enough or good enough or beautiful enough.

I have not been this emotional writing a blog post. Ever. Four years. One thousand plus posts. And I finally break down while writing one. About time, huh?

A part of me wishes I could rewind my life and go back to the days I felt fearless. A time when the idea of failure didn't cross my mind. A moment when it didn't matter to me what anyone else thought.

I'd also like to have my almost-started-crying-while-penning-a-blog-post card back. Oh well. I can live without it.

Writing

Face Your Fears As A Writer

I like to think I am more fearless while writing as opposed to when I'm not. What a surprise.

I wouldn't compare myself to a chicken because I'm worse.

In real life, I hold myself back from doing things because I'm scared. And I wonder if my fears also faze me in creative pursuits such as blogging.

I know I can take bigger risks and push the envelope more so to speak. But I don't.

Is it because I'm terrified of the unknown? Am I afraid to depart from what I'm used to and do something different?

Yes. And yes.

Sometimes I feel as though I'm only taking small baby steps. It's still better than not taking any, never moving forward.

What gets me is the fact that at one point in my life writing was risky.

I didn't always write. I wasn't good at it. Even though I had no idea what my future held, I figured writing wouldn't work out for me.

So many years ago, I took a risk one day by picking up a pen and putting words on the page.

Now all I want is to create better content, tell greater stories. Tough to do so if I'm scared of failing or rejection.

Maybe your definition of risk is different from mine. That's fine.

But isn't it insane to imagine how the things you do now were a risk or a fear five years ago? That what you consider risky now might be totally safe, even routine a month from now?

I guess what I'm trying to get at is our fears change. Our definition of risk does too. Almost everything and everyone changes. Don't be afraid of change. Embrace it.

After all, you can live your whole live letting fear hold you back or you can show fear what you're made of.

Here's to conquering our fears. Face the page and take risks. You have more to gain than you have to lose.

Life is a journey, after all. Might as well enjoy where you are right now.

Doing more, doing better happens gradually. You don't make leaps and bounds in progress overnight. But every time you face your fear, you're improving yourself.

It's okay to be afraid. But it's not okay to let your biggest fear hold you back.

I don't have an easy solution. The best we can do as writers and human beings is to confront what's holding us back from reaching our full potential.

Dig deep. Find the strength you need to overcome your greatest insecurities.

Realize there's no feat quite like facing your demons and coming out victorious.

I raise my glass of water to all of you. Keep taking risks. Remember you're better than you fears.

Personal Reflection

Fears, Thoughts, And Worries

I’m afraid of very few things. Being late is one of them. But more seriously I’m scared of failing.

It’s not the act of failing that terrifies me the most. It’s disappointing my biggest critic, my worst enemy. Myself.

I can live with letting others down. I’d take letting everyone else in this world down over letting myself down any day of the week.

I know I will never live up to someone else’s standards of success or beauty. That’s fine. But feeling like I’m not living up to my own standards…hurts. A lot.

I think I’m an ambitious person by nature. I want to accomplish so much in a short period of time. But I also don’t know if I’m occasionally spreading myself too thin. There are days I think I’m not doing a good job of anything.

I feel like I’ve gotten better at not comparing myself to others. But I still compare now and then. Which is so unfair. Especially to myself.

I’m comparing myself to other people. People who are older. People on a different journey than I am. People I shouldn’t be comparing myself to in the first place.

I want to look at someone’s work and be inspired. Not bitter that I can’t do what another individual did. Not frustrated that I’m not half the artist he is. Not upset that I can’t have her life.

Worse, as a writer, I’ve compared my incomplete drafts to finished masterpieces.

But the thing is I don’t see other writers’ first drafts. I don’t see the rough work of all these authors. I’m not aware of the number of hours they worked. Or how many days they put in. So, to me, it might seem as if everything comes easy and quickly to everyone else in this world.

I guess all these things make me worry. For the future. For what’s to come. For my own sake and sanity.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be good enough. But then I think I shouldn’t feel the need to please anyone. To be good enough for someone else. I should focus on pleasing myself. Being good enough for me. And only me.

Writing

3 Word Advice

Eliminate all doubts.

Shed every fear.

Wield a pen.

Attack the page.

Pay your dues.

Writing

Why You Aren’t Writing

The premise of this post is simple. It’s a list of some of the reasons why you aren’t writing and what you can do about it.

You’re lazy.

This is common. But if you are serious about writing, you can’t wait until you want to write or feel like writing. It doesn’t work that way.

You’re scared.

Pigs can’t fly or drive yet so there’s nothing to be afraid of. Besides no fear in this world should stop you from putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard.

You’re bored.

Of the story. Of your characters. Of sitting in the same place, staring out the same window every day. In that case, the medicine you need is called Change. You don’t need a prescription, just your imagination. You are a writer after all. Revamp your plot. Revise your cast. And for what it’s worth, get outside. Shake up your schedule. Do something new and interesting.

You’re lost.

You have no idea where your story is going or what you want to say. While some writers can write without too much direction, others can’t. That’s perfectly fine. Take the time you need to figure it out. You don’t need to have all the answers but a general sense of your destination should be enough to get you going on your way.

You just don’t care. 

There’s nothing wrong with that. Do you care for every single character in every book you’ve read? No. Do you care for some stories over others? Yes. Solution: find something you care about, then write. Craft a character who excites you, interests you. But most of all, makes you and possibly your readers, care. And if you don’t care much for writing, you’re on the wrong site.

I would redirect you but I really should be writing. And you should too.

Writing

How To Be A Happier Writer

  1. Don’t abandon.
  2. Don’t avoid.
  3. Don’t blame.
  4. Don’t betray.
  5. Don’t compare.
  6. Don’t compete.
  7. Don’t deceive.
  8. Don’t doubt.
  9. Don’t expect.
  10. Don’t expose.
  11. Don’t fear.
  12. Don’t forfeit.
  13. Don’t gossip.
  14. Don’t gloat.
Blogging

Sometimes I Blog Because

Sometimes I blog because I want to forget.

I have to erase the pain. I need to stop thinking about something that is bothering me. Even if it’s only temporarily.

I know that’s bad. I know that’s such a selfish reason to blog.

But sometimes I blog because it’s the only I can feel better and be happier. Is that selfish? For wanting happiness? Especially if that happiness is for myself?

I blog for many reasons. I don’t just blog for myself. I don’t only blog to forget. Sometimes I do. Many times I don’t.

The world is confusing. Life is difficult enough. To make sense of it all, I blog. I write. I can say all the things I can’t say in real life. I share a part of myself with the world on my blog; unedited, raw, personal.

I blog out of fear; I blog out of love.