Learning To Let Go

I have a hard time letting go. Even when I shouldn’t, I hold on.

More than anything, I need closure. But I don’t always get it. And then I’m left wondering what if. I can’t stop thinking about what could’ve been.

Sometimes a part of me doesn’t want to let go, so I don’t. Still, I can’t stay in the same place forever. Somehow I have to move on.

I hold onto love or what I think I love. In doing so, I realize I’m not loving myself. When I make decisions, I need to do what’s best for me. I need to love myself first before I can love someone else.

I find it easier to hold onto the past. That being said, letting go is liberating. I’m not my past. My past doesn’t define my future. Every day is a chance to start over.

I’m learning to let go. It’s been a long, hard road. I want to believe time heals wounds. But I keep re-opening them, rubbing salt right where it hurts.

I never want to take anything for granted. Yet I don’t always realize how lucky I am until I lose. And I hate that I can’t get back what I lost. I can only try to find something new.

Hopefully I can let go of the memories that burden me. Nevertheless, I will cherish many moments.

I can’t change or control other people. But I can change myself. I control what I do.

I know I need to let go. It doesn’t happen overnight. This is going to take time. Eventually, I’ll be in a better place, and that’s for the best.

Thinking About The Future

I can’t stop thinking about the future. More like worrying about the future.

I don’t feel ready for the real world. I have no idea what I’m doing now, much less what I’ll be doing after I graduate.

I thought everything would fall into place during my time in university. But the older I get, the less sure I am of anything.

I don’t intend to do more school. It doesn’t feel like the right path for me. I hope to work and write.

There’s a lot I want to do before I die. I’ll try to work full-time while pursuing my passions on the side.

Balancing everything is going to be tricky though. Ultimately, I need to decide what’s important to me.

I’ll make time, make sacrifices.

First things first, I should stop worrying and start working.

Even though money isn’t my biggest priority, it’d be nice to make enough to live a lifestyle I love.

What I’d Tell My 20 Year Old Self

Be kind to everyone.

You don’t know what others are going through. They might be having a bad day.

You’re stronger than you think.

Give yourself more credit than you do.

Listen to the voice in your head.

Don’t confuse it for the voices of society.

Take care of your body.

You only have one.

The world isn’t fair.

Sometimes you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s life.

Love without shame.

Fall in love with people and things.

Learn to forgive.

You may never forget, but you can forgive. Do it for your own sake and sanity.

Confront your demons.

You have to face your fears. You can’t live the rest of your life scared to death.

Embrace failure and rejection.

You will learn more from screwing up than from success.

You aren’t always right.

It’s OK to be wrong.

You are not defined by your past.

Likewise, your past doesn’t dictate your future. Your present doesn’t either.

You will get better.

Your situation will improve. Nothing lasts forever. You may not feel fine right now, but one day you will.

When You’re Feeling Anxious About The Future

When you’re feeling anxious about the future, remember to breathe. Focus on your breathing.

You can’t control everything. Change what you can. Don’t worry about the rest.

Double check. Triple check. Don’t let anything slip through the cracks. Make sure you’re on the right track.

Failure is inevitable. You will fail. You’ll lose. The key is to hold your head high.

Take rejection like a professional. You’re one step closer to success.

Try to live in the present. It’s so much easier said than done. But you only have today. You don’t know what tomorrow may bring, much less next year.

Appreciate your own accomplishments. You’re here because you’ve succeeded in the past. There’s no reason why you can’t succeed again.

Let go. Leave the baggage behind. Your past doesn’t dictate your future unless you let it. Likewise, your current circumstances don’t dictate what’s to come. Things change. People do too.

Believe in your dreams over your nightmares. One day, you will get where you want to go. But you have to take the steps to get there. Take life one day at a time, one deadline at a time.

You can’t do it all. You don’t have to. Everyone has 24 hours.

You’re stronger than you feel. You’re smarter than you think. In fact, you’re better than you know.

You can give something your all or you can get nothing instead.

Do what you want. Do what you need. Do makes you happy.

It’s OK to forget. Sometimes you have to forgive others. Other times, you have to forgive yourself.

Take care of your body now, so you’ll be healthy later. It’s easier to stay in shape than it is to get back into shape. Self-care extends beyond exercising.

If you’re struggling, ask for help. You’re not alone. You will never be.

When you’re anxious about the future, imagine a better world. Get excited about new possibilities. You don’t need to have all the answers, just a desire to ask questions.

On Living In The Present Moment

Yesterday is over. Tomorrow isn’t here yet. All we have is today. And And even though right now may not be great or even good, we only have this very moment.

I tend to jump between obsessing over the past or worrying about the future instead of focussing on the present.

It’s not easy to be here. It’s easier to look back at the past when the now gets too difficult, believing things were simpler back then. Or to look ahead, hoping circumstances will get better.

The present moment isn’t usually so bad. In the moment, conditions seem worse than they are.

I concentrate so much on small details that don’t even matter rather than looking at the bigger picture.

While I love what I do, I’m not always present when writing or reading. I try to be, but some days, I get distracted by my own thoughts. Working on a story that excites me or curling up with a great book helps.

I don’t meditate much these days. I do want to be more mindful though. I think there are times where it’s OK to reflect on yesterday or last year. Likewise, it’s fine to anticipate the days and months to come.

I feel like the older I get, the harder it is to live fully in the present. When life gets busier, it’s even harder to enjoy the moment. I think more about arriving at my destination than appreciating my journey.

I want to slow down or even stop at times. I can’t drop everything, but a day or two away won’t hurt.

I ought to relax, take my time. I have a tendency to rush through everything. Then again, I believe some things can’t be rushed. Art, for example. At the very least, they shouldn’t be.

I’m trying my best to live in the present moment. I’ll never get another moment just like it, so I need to make the most of today.

6 Pieces Of Advice For My Future Self

1. Stop apologizing all the time. Sure, say sorry if you messed up. But if you haven’t, you don’t need to beg for anyone’s forgiveness.
2. Aim for comprehension, not completion. It isn’t always enough to do an assignment if you don’t understand anything.
3. Do what you want to do. Within reason of course. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I don’t want to do certain things.
4. Don’t be afraid to change your ways. Especially if something isn’t working. I’m so stubborn. I’ll stick to old habits and routines even if I know there’s a better way. I’m allowed to grow. I’m supposed to.
5. Never try to do everything. Pick and choose wisely. There isn’t enough time to do it all.
6. You’re human. Your body needs adequate rest, proper nutrition, frequent exercise. If I take care of my health, other areas of my life seem to work out. I am trying to be more aware of my body and mind. I’m listening more. I’m learning too. I may not be perfect, but I try to get better. Which is all that matters.

Making Money Doing What You Love

I don’t have a problem with people making money doing what they love. Says the girl who isn’t.

I hope I get to that point someday though.

It’s easier said than done, of course. Every time I think about making money, I get all sad. Maybe because I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to support myself while pursuing my passions.

I remind myself of the days I first started writing and blogging when I didn’t turn a profit whatsoever. When I was beyond excited to create every day because I enjoyed the creative process.

I’ve been worrying a lot over my future. If I don’t do more schooling after graduation, I’ll need to get a job.

I joke to my friends that I’m unemployable. I want to work for myself as well.

I feel conflicted. Unsurprisingly, I don’t enjoy feeling this way.

I’m not sure how I’ll earn enough to pay my way through life, however long mine lasts. The cost of everything seems to go up all the time.

Now that I’ve obsessed over this, I feel my problem isn’t how much I make, but whether I’ll have the freedom to do what I love. I don’t need to be rich to be happy. Yet I still need enough time and money to go after my dreams. Being well off can help create a bit of freedom or flexibility for the sake of my sanity.

Obviously, I don’t want my lifestyle to change for the worse.

The world is a big, bad place. I’ve yet to find my place in it. I hope I can navigate through and not seem utterly lost at every turn.

What a fun post to publish on Christmas Eve. Happy holidays!

On Turning 20 Years Old

On August 22, 2017, I turned 20 years old.

I didn’t feel any different at the time. But I’ve changed so much since then.

I have come a long way. I’d even go so far as to say the person I was yesterday is not who I am today.

20 years might not seem like much for some people. But for me, it’s my whole life. Now with two decades of living under my belt, I can confidently say that as I’ve grown older, I have also gotten better.

In recent months, I gained much needed perspective. I realized there’s a lot more to life than being popular or cool, getting straight A’s, etc.

I used to worry myself crazy over things that never came to pass.

I obsessed over a past I couldn’t change and worried about a future I had no control over.

I would overthink. Overanalyze people and situations. Read too much into body language or certain words, phrases, so on.

As of late, I’ve tried to focus more on the present. Cliché, huh?

Nowadays, I’m doing my best to live in the moment and enjoy myself.

After all, we only ever have today. We don’t have tomorrow. But we have right now.

The older I get, the more accepting I am of certain facts in life. One being humans are constantly changing. Hence why I’m making peace with the consequences, positive or negative, of those changes.

I did plenty of self-reflection this past summer. I had time to think, so I thought. A lot.

As I’m writing this, I want nothing more than to be happy and healthy.

I personally define happiness as being able to do what I love and actually doing it. If all else fails, I will still continue to pursue the things that bring me the most joy in life.

This blog is a little over four years old. But I feel like turning twenty means a new beginning for my blogging, my writing, my everything.

Cheers to all of you who stuck by a teen writer for however long you did.

I’m an adult now, which means I no longer have an excuse to create crappy content. I joke.

Thank you for making the past four and final years of my teens the best I could’ve ever asked for.

Here’s to many more.