School

My Least Favourite Thing About University

University is great until I remember that grades are a thing.

Then again, either I did well and life goes on or I didn’t do well and life goes on.

Part of the reason why I want to graduate and get a job is because I don’t want to be graded anymore. I know grades are just grades. They don’t dictate my future. They aren’t a measure of my self-worth. But my ego has a mind of its own.

For my own sanity, I don’t obsessively check my grades. In first year, I focussed on doing work and the results worked themselves out.

I’ve done well before. There’s no reason why I can’t do well now.

To be completely honest, my GPA has dropped every year. It’s okay though. I’ve made peace with that.

In the past, I would check many of my grades all at once. That way, I wouldn’t get too hung up over one bad mark.

As long as I pass every class, I can graduate on time. That’s the main goal.

I keep getting emails about updated grades on my final essays and exams. A part of me wants to look at my grades but another part doesn’t. I haven’t worked up the courage to check any of them yet.

School

An Honest Account Of My University Experience

In September 2015, I embarked on my university journey.

In high school, people told me my grades would drop. And naïve Herminia believed them. So I prepared myself to not do nearly as well. Somehow I did.

During first year, I didn’t think too much about my GPA. I thought about doing the work and being early to everything.

Come the fall of 2016, I learned that I won two academic scholarships.

Instead of thinking I was stupid, I felt somewhat smart.

In second year, I spent less time studying and more time living. My grades were a little all over the place as a result. I remember countless conversations with my best friend about how terrible I was doing. I joked about dropping out.

So I vowed to do better in third year. My fall semester went smoothly. I had great classes, good professors. I liked my grades. I lived a lot. If I could relive those four months again, I would.

2018 arrived. Second semester in the winter started off just fine. No problem. Smooth sailing. Until February when I got hit by a car while walking home from school.

It took more than a month to recover physically. I’m not sure I’ll ever recover mentally. I’m doing well these days.

I never wanted to make excuses. I didn’t ask for an extension on any assignments.

My grades dropped. But I took care of myself. Being forced to listen to my body made me a better human being.

Regardless of my GPA when all is said and done, I’m proud. I learned to listen to that tiny voice in my head, to the body I used to neglect. That matters more than any number on a piece of paper.

Writing

Let’s Talk About The Imposter Syndrome

The imposter syndrome is the bane of my existence.

Some days, that voice in my head tells me I’m not good enough. It says I’m an imposter. As if, at any point, someone will rip off the mask I’m wearing and see right through me.

I feel as though some people already see through my act. And they’re too kind to say anything about it.

I’ve been writing for a long time, and I’ve written a lot of words in my life. I strive to write every day and I do.

I’m still afraid. I’m so scared. I don’t want to wonder whether or not I’m wasting my time.

Through hard work, I can improve and get better. Talent will only get you so far, after all.

One reason why the imposter syndrome has hit me especially hard as of late is my grades. My GPA.

I don’t obsess over school as much as I used to. Thankfully. My sanity is grateful. But I care a lot about doing well.

Growing up, academia was the one thing I excelled at. As a kid, I was anything but athletically gifted or artistic. But I loved reading. I learned to write well.

I’m still doing just fine in university. My standards are set way too high for my own good sometimes.

It should be enough that I’m doing my best, but imposter syndrome is rearing its ugly head again.

School

Am I Happy With My University Grades?

I’m not sure what overcame me a while ago, but I decided to check all of my grades at once. I needed to rip off the band-aid. It wasn’t satisfying.

They aren’t bad. They aren’t amazing.

I feel like I have room for improvement though, and I intend to improve. Easier said than done however.

To be quite honest, I’m happy. I maintained good habits. I looked after my physical, mental, and emotional health. I also lived my life, did the things I loved.

I’d even go so far as to say all things considered, this past semester is my favourite one thus far.

I worked hard and smart.

Even though my grades aren’t as good as they have been in the past, it’s not the end of the world. There are more important things to me than my GPA.

I’m a month into 2018, and a part of me already misses last year.

I still can’t believe it’s over. I had a fun ride. I’ve learned a lot.

I’m glad I can look back on 2017 with a smile on my face. There’s a ton to be grateful for.

Now that I’ve had some time to digest my grades, I realize I’m fine with them. Obviously, I wish they were higher, but I can live with my GPA. At least, I can’t complain.

I’m ready to see how the rest of 2018 pans out.

May this year bring joy and cheer. May you learn and laugh, live and love. May you be happy and healthy.

School

Some Reminders About School

You go to school to learn, not to prove that you’re some perfect, infallible human being.

So it’s okay to make mistakes, to fail. That’s when you learn the most or should anyway.

Stop focusing on your grades, your GPA. Start focusing on getting a good education.

Learning doesn’t stop after graduation. It shouldn’t stop ever. Keep your eyes and ears open. There’s always something you don’t know.

Figure things out on your own. Don’t give up right away when the going gets though. You have to solve some problems by yourself without anyone else helping you. Still, don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Do great work.

Don’t cheat. You’re only cheating yourself. Not just in the traditional sense either.

Be your best.

Personal Reflection

You Are Not

You are not a number on the scale.

You aren’t a grade, a GPA.

You are not how much you make.

You aren’t the number of books you’ve read or the number of articles you’ve published.

You are not the friends you have on Facebook or the followers you gained on Twitter or the likes you get on Instagram.

You aren’t the views on your blog, the subscribers on your channel.

You are not any of these things.

You are so much more.