School

My Least Favourite Thing About University

University is great until I remember that grades are a thing.

Then again, either I did well and life goes on or I didn’t do well and life goes on.

Part of the reason why I want to graduate and get a job is because I don’t want to be graded anymore. I know grades are just grades. They don’t dictate my future. They aren’t a measure of my self-worth. But my ego has a mind of its own.

For my own sanity, I don’t obsessively check my grades. In first year, I focussed on doing work and the results worked themselves out.

I’ve done well before. There’s no reason why I can’t do well now.

To be completely honest, my GPA has dropped every year. It’s okay though. I’ve made peace with that.

In the past, I would check many of my grades all at once. That way, I wouldn’t get too hung up over one bad mark.

As long as I pass every class, I can graduate on time. That’s the main goal.

I keep getting emails about updated grades on my final essays and exams. A part of me wants to look at my grades but another part doesn’t. I haven’t worked up the courage to check any of them yet.

Personal Reflection

On Self-Esteem And Confidence

Some days, I feel I’m not good enough. I don’t give myself enough credit.

But I know what I’m good at, and I know what I’m not good at. That being said, I don’t know much. All I know is I want to write, need to.

I want to get better, do better. It’s tough though. I feel like no matter how hard I work, I’ll never be good. I’ll never do enough.

Being a writer is the best thing that ever happened to me. But some days it’s the hardest thing in the world.

I can’t not write. I can’t bear untold stories inside me. I don’t even care if they don’t see the light of day. It doesn’t matter whether people read my words or not. What matters is I write them, one by one.

I try to refrain from tearing myself down when I write. So writing helps boost my self-esteem. The school system doesn’t do wonders for anyone’s confidence.

I hate that I let grades affect me so much. One good grade doesn’t make me focus less on all the bad ones.

I’m also way too hard on myself. It’s not even because I’m a perfectionist. I just expect perfection in my results. Which is problematic. But that’s who I am.

School

Am I Happy With My University Grades?

I’m not sure what overcame me a while ago, but I decided to check all of my grades at once. I needed to rip off the band-aid. It wasn’t satisfying.

They aren’t bad. They aren’t amazing.

I feel like I have room for improvement though, and I intend to improve. Easier said than done however.

To be quite honest, I’m happy. I maintained good habits. I looked after my physical, mental, and emotional health. I also lived my life, did the things I loved.

I’d even go so far as to say all things considered, this past semester is my favourite one thus far.

I worked hard and smart.

Even though my grades aren’t as good as they have been in the past, it’s not the end of the world. There are more important things to me than my GPA.

I’m a month into 2018, and a part of me already misses last year.

I still can’t believe it’s over. I had a fun ride. I’ve learned a lot.

I’m glad I can look back on 2017 with a smile on my face. There’s a ton to be grateful for.

Now that I’ve had some time to digest my grades, I realize I’m fine with them. Obviously, I wish they were higher, but I can live with my GPA. At least, I can’t complain.

I’m ready to see how the rest of 2018 pans out.

May this year bring joy and cheer. May you learn and laugh, live and love. May you be happy and healthy.

Personal Reflection

You Are Not

You are not a number on the scale.

You aren’t a grade, a GPA.

You are not how much you make.

You aren’t the number of books you’ve read or the number of articles you’ve published.

You are not the friends you have on Facebook or the followers you gained on Twitter or the likes you get on Instagram.

You aren’t the views on your blog, the subscribers on your channel.

You are not any of these things.

You are so much more.

School

Ranting About Grades

I should stop checking my grades. I did this for a couple of months last year because I hated how I felt after I checked. It usually led to disappointment or frustration. To be honest, a combination of both sounds about right. 

I feel like I can never be satisfied with my grades. No matter how “good” they are.

Admittedly they aren’t great this year. This semester especially. But even when I do well by someone else’s standards, I don’t feel satisfied. Because I’m meeting (or not meeting) other people’s expectations rather than my own. I’m writing for someone else who isn’t myself. And I’ve found having to do the very thing you love most for a grade is messed up in a way.

Let me be the first to tell you I often get too caught up with the creative process and the words themselves that I neglect everything else. The assignment instructions. My argument and evidence. I could go on.

Also, I hate the idea of someone five years older than me deciding my entire grade. Something there doesn’t sit well with me. Actually many things. It’s not my main problem with grades though.

It’s feeling like a number or percentage defines me. As if one grade defines my value or worth. Since when did I care for numbers? I’m a writer after all.

Writing

You Can’t Judge A Writer Based On…

Their physical appearance.

Writers are beautiful inside and out.

Their grade in English.

A number can never compare to words.

Their past. 

Let’s not.

Writing

Why I Love Being A Writer

I have never been asked by anyone in this industry how I’m doing in any of my classes. Not math, not science, not even English.

Let’s keep it that way.

Grades don’t mean much to me nowadays, not as much as they used to at least.

You have to get an A+ in English (or Literature or Writer’s Craft) to be a writer, said no one ever.

School · Studying

Story-time With Herminia Chow

Story-time With Herminia Chow is now officially a title of one of my posts because I think it sounds cool. Even though it probably doesn’t. In all honesty, I have no idea what else to call what I’m about to say.

Today, my history teacher quizzed us.

He told the class beforehand to read the first two chapters in our textbook. I’d be lying if I said I did the readings properly.

Two students had led a seminar and some of the information they presented was, lo and behold, on the quiz. I didn’t participate at all. Plus I know I zoned out a few times as well.

There were also similar questions to a worksheet he assigned the day he wasn’t here. I actually completed this worksheet. But my wonderful brain decides to get these questions and only these questions wrong. Questions I should have known the answers to.

I somehow still managed to get the highest mark. So did everyone else not attempt the readings, not listen to the seminar, and not bother with the worksheet?

For once, my guessing game was strong. Everything I guessed, I got right.

By the way, I wrote a follow-up article on test-taking. The post was published yesterday: Keep Calm and Get Straight A’s: What to Do Before, During and After Every Test.

The irony is not lost on me here.

And you wonder why I don’t study. Or rather why I despise it with a passion.