Personal Reflection

When You Have No Idea What You’re Doing

Sometimes I have no idea what I’m doing. I know I’m not alone in that regard. But I feel like everybody else knows what they’re doing, and I’m the only one who doesn’t have my life together.

I realize I don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. I shouldn’t rush myself just because someone is doing something I haven’t done yet.

I try my best not to force anything. Then again, I feel like an imposter when I’m being true to myself. Partly because in my eyes the real me isn’t good enough, which is so problematic.

I dislike pressure from other people. I don’t handle it well at all. I’ll be living my life, taking one step at a time and then it feels like someone shoves me from behind. Instead of going faster, I’ll slip or trip. I’ll fall flat on my face.

Rather than rising to the occasion, I crack under pressure. The facade fades away before my failures become exposed for all to see.

I don’t always know what I’m doing. Even when I do, I’m not very confident. Self-doubt and second-guessing will be the death of me.

I lack confidence in many areas of life. That said, I truly believe anyone can get better at anything with practice. Humans have the ability to grow and improve. That’s a beautiful thing We shouldn’t take for granted.

What’s more, everyone has unique strengths and weaknesses. It’s okay to be bad at certain things. It’s not the end of the world.

Besides, you can learn. You can turn what used to be a weakness into a strength. Or at the very least, you can strengthen your weaknesses.

I often try to remind myself that so long as I do my best, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Personal Reflection

Learning To Let Go

I have a hard time letting go. Even when I shouldn’t, I hold on.

More than anything, I need closure. But I don’t always get it. And then I’m left wondering what if. I can’t stop thinking about what could’ve been.

Sometimes a part of me doesn’t want to let go, so I don’t. Still, I can’t stay in the same place forever. Somehow I have to move on.

I hold onto love or what I think I love. In doing so, I realize I’m not loving myself. When I make decisions, I need to do what’s best for me. I need to love myself first before I can love someone else.

I find it easier to hold onto the past. That being said, letting go is liberating. I’m not my past. My past doesn’t define my future. Every day is a chance to start over.

I’m learning to let go. It’s been a long, hard road. I want to believe time heals wounds. But I keep re-opening them, rubbing salt right where it hurts.

I never want to take anything for granted. Yet I don’t always realize how lucky I am until I lose. And I hate that I can’t get back what I lost. I can only try to find something new.

Hopefully I can let go of the memories that burden me. Nevertheless, I will cherish many moments.

I can’t change or control other people. But I can change myself. I control what I do.

I know I need to let go. It doesn’t happen overnight. This is going to take time. Eventually, I’ll be in a better place, and that’s for the best.

Writing

On Submitting My Work To Writing Contests

I have no problem writing all the time. But submitting is a whole other story. I feel bad but clearly not that bad.

The thought of submitting seems so daunting. I need to break it down into smaller steps. I should start somewhere.

For me, the act of starting anything tends to be the hardest part more often than not. Once I start however, I find that the work isn’t so bad.

I’m not sure how I managed to submit stuff in the past. The first time was about six years ago. I entered a contest just for fun. Little did I know I’d end up being published.

Last year I submitted a story right before exam season. As you can see, I had my priorities straight. It worked out because I got the story published and didn’t fail any of my exams.

Unfortunately, there aren’t any negative consequences if I don’t submit. I have a lot to gain, but nothing to lose. Perhaps I should create my own consequences for being a lazy potato.

I like to think I’ll figure things out. I’m still learning, and I have more to learn.

At the very least, I know what I want to accomplish. Now I just have to get to work.

Personal Reflection

What I’d Tell My 20 Year Old Self

Be kind to everyone.

You don’t know what others are going through. They might be having a bad day.

You’re stronger than you think.

Give yourself more credit than you do.

Listen to the voice in your head.

Don’t confuse it for the voices of society.

Take care of your body.

You only have one.

The world isn’t fair.

Sometimes you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s life.

Love without shame.

Fall in love with people and things.

Learn to forgive.

You may never forget, but you can forgive. Do it for your own sake and sanity.

Confront your demons.

You have to face your fears. You can’t live the rest of your life scared to death.

Embrace failure and rejection.

You will learn more from screwing up than from success.

You aren’t always right.

It’s OK to be wrong.

You are not defined by your past.

Likewise, your past doesn’t dictate your future. Your present doesn’t either.

You will get better.

Your situation will improve. Nothing lasts forever. You may not feel fine right now, but one day you will.

Personal Reflection

I Don’t Know What I Want To Do After University

In September, I’m going into my fourth year of university. And I can’t stop stressing about what I want to do once I graduate.

When people ask me, I tell them I don’t know. I have no idea.

Maybe it’ll help to narrow down my options by eliminating things I don’t want to do.

I don’t want to do more university. I’d prefer sitting in an office than siting in a lecture hall.

I don’t want to travel the world. I do eventually, but I’m not in a position to right out of school. Even if I do travel, it won’t be too far or too long.

I don’t want to take a gap year. I understand other people’s reasoning for doing so. But I don’t have a good reason to take 12 months off. I’ve also been fortunate enough to have 4 months of summer that more or less give me a break from school.

Now to figure out what I want to do.

I want to work. I want to write and blog. Creating content is still so much fun.

I want to learn. As flawed as the school system is, I’ve learned a lot from it. Kindergarten to high school to university. I love learning on my own through reading and researching as well.

I want to grow. To be honest, sometimes I feel stuck. I don’t want to stay in one place. I dislike being stagnant. I hate regressing. I hope to improve. To get better, not worse. When I see myself growing, I feel a sense of satisfaction.

Regardless of what does or doesn’t happen post-grad, I aspire to be better.

Personal Reflection

When You Feel Like You Aren’t Good Enough

You are. You’re enough.

Pick yourself up and brush off the dust. This journey is your own. But that doesn’t mean you’re alone. Someone cares. You might not think anyone does, but there is a person out there.

You always want to do more. But you only have 24 hours in the day. You can’t accomplish everything in one night. After all, no one is an overnight success.

Sometimes you feel lost. Then again, you’re finding your way just like everyone else.

No matter how long you’ve been doing something, you’re still learning all the time.

You don’t want to settle, so it’s difficult to feel satisfied. Make sure you celebrate small wins because they lead to bigger victories.

The world isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. All the more reason to be kind to yourself.

You’ve set the bar so high. So you keep reaching and falling short. One day, you will reach the stars. You’ll be higher than you’ve ever been before.

In an age where everything seems to happen instantaneously, it can be hard to be patient. You might want to quit. You’ll wonder if your destination is worth it. Trust your instincts.

Focus on the process, not the product. Concentrate on the things you can control. Don’t worry about what you can’t.

Look ahead. Move on. Imagine a better future.

Live a life you will not regret. Sometimes you only have one chance.

When you fail, remember you’re one step closer to success. None of your mistakes are in vain if you learn from them.

Drown out the noise, the negativity. Surround yourself around positive people.

Support others because beneath our differences, we’re all the same in the end.

You are good enough.

Personal Reflection

What Do You Want Out Of Life?

I want to be happy. I hope I’m able to do what I want to do.

My health is important to me. But sometimes I do things at the expense of my well-being.

Even though I worry so much about so many things, writing helps. When there’s nothing to stress over, my mind makes something up. At least getting my thoughts and feelings on the page takes some of the weight off my shoulders.

This year has been tough for reasons out of my control. So I’ve tried hard to focus on what I can control.

Word by word, day by day is my motto. I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself. Sometimes though I can’t stop thinking about the far future.

I like to believe everything will work out somehow. The pieces will fall into place eventually.

For now, I want to concentrate on the present moment. I need to enjoy each day.

I love what I do because I love the act of doing them. It’s the process, the journey that matters. Not the numbers, not the results.

While I don’t know everything, I know I want to learn. Even if it terrifies me. I want to learn more. I want to better myself as a human being.

I’m always learning. I love teaching myself. Going at my own pace, putting in a little bit of work every day.

Reading

What I Learned Reorganizing My Bookshelves

I’m not even exaggerating when I say it took me nearly an hour to reorganize my bookshelves.

Here’s what I learned:

I own a lot of books. But a reader can never have too many, right? I want to buy more all the time.

I forget what I’ve read. I picked up a novel, and for the life of me, I could not remember what it was about.

I keep my babies in good condition. Except for a few of them. I also dropped two books on the floor while reorganizing my shelves. I’m a terrible mother.

I love when books are the same height and hate when they’re not. It makes my life easier when everything’s the same size.

I’m running out of space. I don’t know what I’ll do once my shelves can hold no more. I don’t have room for another bookshelf. Hopefully, one day, I can have a library in my house. Then I won’t have to worry about space or lack thereof.

I spend a lot of money on books. I don’t want to know how much. I also don’t need to know how many I have.

I could and should give some away. I promise to do so in the near future. OK, far future. I just can’t bear to part with my children.

I read a lot. But I feel like I just can’t keep up. Too many books, too little time.

I want to go buy more. Because why not? There’s no reason not to.

What do you learn after reorganizing your bookshelves?