Personal Reflection

1 Year After I Was Hit By A Car

It’s been exactly one year since I got hit by a car.

On this day in 2018, I had class in the afternoon. I should’ve been home in the early evening. I didn’t get back until it was dark outside. Thankfully on February 6, 2019, I got home safe and sound.

I still think about all the things that happened. How the car slammed into my right leg, how I fell to the ground on my left elbow. Hearing the sirens grow louder. Riding to the hospital in the back of an ambulance. Waiting and more waiting. Having X-rays done. The paperwork and pain that followed. Every phone call to the police and insurance companies afterwards.

I doubt I’ll forget anytime soon. But I’ve come a long way. And despite all the setbacks, I’m so proud of myself.

I survived. I was able to walk away. I can walk and run and dance today. I hope I never take these blessings for granted.

I had some help along the way. I know no one else can possibly understand how I felt, not without experiencing everything I did. But I want to thank someone special. A small act of kindness made a big difference in my life.

Thank you for giving me hope when I needed it the most. Thank you for helping me more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for making me smile and laugh again. Thank you for pulling me out of hell. Thank you for the memories I’ll cherish forever. Thank you for everything.

This post has been incredibly difficult to write. I keep editing my thoughts before I even type them out.

More than anything, I hope one day I can tell the story I need to tell, and do it justice. After all, this isn’t someone else’s story. It’s my own.

Blogging

Blogger’s Block And Blogging Burnout

I didn’t post daily in January. I also didn’t even write a blog post every day. Even though I was a little bothered by that, I’ve been more bothered by other things. Like burnout and blogger’s block, which is like writer’s block but worse. I had an easier time writing than blogging last month.

New month, new me. That said, I won’t be blogging all the time because I need to live my life. But I’m ready to get back into the grind. It’s not always easy, but I’m grateful for every opportunity.

I want to address being blocked so to speak. I don’t want to wait for inspiration. I’d rather get to work. For some reason, I didn’t have many great ideas in January. Even promising ones didn’t pan out. For instance, I drafted a one-word writing interview/Q&A. I liked the idea. I didn’t like the draft. And because I made it my goal in 2019 to publish content I’m proud of, I don’t want to post something for the sake of posting.

In regards to burnout, I started this blog in 2013. At the time, I wanted to publish every day. I was in high school. I wasn’t as busy. So I had more time and energy. But a lot has changed in five, almost six years. I’ve changed. WordPress has changed. What didn’t change was my stubborn commitment to blog daily. But 2018 was a hard year for me. I got hit by a car at the beginning of the year. Recovering was a long and exhausting process.

I was fortunate enough to go twenty years without anything truly traumatic happening to me. So I guess my point is that trying to blog every day while trying to let my body and brain heal made me burnout in a way I never experienced before.

It’s been nearly a year since my life changed forever, and I’m ready to live fully again.

Writing

Feeling Uninspired

Sometimes I feel uninspired to create.

I’ve been wondering whether I want to write and blog every day in 2019. Even though I enjoy both, it’s hard work.

I want to be excited about the creative process again. I’m not giving up. Right now, I just need a new start.

At first, I felt like I had to create every day. Nowadays, I still feel a bit beholden to my past self.

I’m in a bit of a rut. I know I should make some changes, but that’s easier said than done.

Going forward, I will try not to be so hard on myself. As much as I love creating, I also love doing other things.

I know I’ll regret what I didn’t do more than what I did. I owe it to myself to live my life. Even if that means I don’t blog every day or write as much as before.

In many ways, I’m still trying to figure out my place in this world. As a blogger. As a writer. As a human being.

Personal Reflection

Trying To Live A Little More

I haven’t always been easy on myself.

Right now more than anything, I want to live more, live better. I don’t want to be too hard on myself like I have been in the past. It’s not helpful.

I’m an all or nothing type of person though. Because of my goals, I have to make sacrifices. I don’t mind giving certain things up, but I can’t do everything. That doesn’t stop me from trying though.

Hopefully, as I grow older, I get better at not expecting too much of myself every single day. I’m all for pushing my limits, but at some point, I just can’t push any further.

This year, during my recovery, I really had to listen to my body. To be honest, I think I’ve strayed away from that. So going forward, I will strive to be nicer to myself.

Somehow, I’ve has the discipline to keep up with many of my daily habits. Still, it’s not the end of the world if I miss a day.

I’ve been so hard on myself. I feel like a failure if I don’t read, write, blog, etc. I should probably refrain from that way of thinking. Instead of telling myself I have to do X, Y, Z every day for the rest of my life, I should tell myself to do the best I can.

I don’t enjoy spreading myself too thin. I’d rather do a few things well instead of doing a lot of stuff poorly.

At the end of the day, I need to give myself more credit. I’m doing just fine.

Personal Reflection

All Your Hard Work Will Pay Off

Your hard work will pay off. Perhaps not right away but one day.

You reap what you sow. You get out what you put in. If you’re going to do something, go full out, not halfway.

Never stop learning. It doesn’t end when you graduate from high school, college, or university.

Don’t rest on your laurels. Continue to prove yourself.

Your sacrifices will be worth it. You can’t do everything. Know what you’re OK giving up and what you’re not.

Always take care of yourself. Make your own needs a priority.

You matter. You’re good enough. You have what it takes.

You’re closer to the end then you realize. Finish strong. Leave a good lasting impression.

Be kind to your body. Because you only have one. Listen to it.

Do something every day that brings a smile to your face. Find the thing you love with your whole heart and never be ashamed.

Remember to relax even when the going gets rough. The world will work itself out.

Live without regrets. Life is too short. There are no guarantees.

Instead of looking back or thinking far ahead, focus on the present. Enjoy the moment.

You are not alone. Other people are in the same boat.

It’s OK to cry. Allow yourself to feel. Let yourself express your emotions.

Take all the time you need. You can’t rush things, especially when you’re not ready. But remember sometimes you have to take a leap of faith.

Do what feels right. No matter what, stay true to who you are.

Be proud. You’ve gotten this far, and there’s a lot further for you to go.

Don’t worry. Stop sweating every small detail. It will seem impossible until you realize it’s possible.

Personal Reflection

Taking Some Time To Reflect

I want to take some time to reflect on this year. It wasn’t always easy. I had bad days. But I’m in a better place now.

I’m content. I’ve been fortunate enough to do what I love. I fought and still fight to protect my time.

I’ve experienced a lot of things I didn’t think I would. Some good, some bad. Some downright awful. But I’m still standing.

I went from going through the worst to the best period of my life. And I owe a lot of that to a very special person. Make no mistake, I’ll still single. But a complete stranger changed my life for the better.

Little by little, my perspective has expanded and evolved. I’m not perfect, but I don’t need to be. I’ve done so much, and I am ready to do more.

Even though I’m grateful for all the big events, I’m equally thankful for all the small tasks. I’ve been able to get back a lot of what I lost. There’s still a lot for me to live for.

I’m alive. I feel alive. My smile has reached my eyes, not just once or twice but countless times.

That said, recovery is a long road. In some ways, I’m still recovering. That’s okay. I’ve been able to share this journey with some incredible individuals. So thank you.

Personal Reflection

Getting Back Into A Routine

With family in town, some of my daily habits went out the window for a few days. I’m trying to get back into a routine sooner rather than later.

I miss having entire days at home to do whatever I please. I miss reading, writing, blogging, and dancing.

My body’s internal clock has been thrown out of whack as well. I’ve had to adjust, adapt.

I’m looking forward to catching up. More like I look forward to being caught up.

I have a lot of ground to cover. Still, I wouldn’t change a thing. I have no regrets. I can’t remember the last time I dropped expectations of getting work done and allowed myself to just have fun.

I feel thankful that I have the freedom to live such a flexible lifestyle.

Even though I do the same few things almost every single day, no day is exactly the same.

I can’t predict the future. I don’t know what tomorrow has in store. Let’s just say I’m always excited for new adventures.

Even the simplest activities can be a blast with the right company.

I need to live my life. After all, many stories are born out of new experiences. That said, I’m ready to return to my old routines.

Going forward, I will try to push myself. Instead of stopping out of laziness, I’ll challenge myself to go a little further.

Personal Reflection

I Need To Live A Little More

Or a lot more. Sometimes I get so caught up with doing things I think I should do that I don’t always do what I want.

I worry about everything. Moving forward, I will try to enjoy life more.

I make small problems a big deal all the time. I create problems when there aren’t any.

I wish I could loosen up. I wish small stuff didn’t bother me.

Somehow though life works out. As much as I enjoy writing and blogging, I hope to explore other interests as well.

To be honest, I should get out more too. It’s easy to stay at home all the time and get lost in fictional worlds. I kind of neglect the real one at times.

Nevertheless, lived experiences shape stories. So I ought to experience as much as I can. I’d like to say yes more often.

I’ve also come to realize when I fall for something or someone, I fall hard. I go full steam ahead. I give it 100 percent. But I risk burning myself out. I try to do too much, too fast.

I want to do a lot, but I’m human. I have limits.

Everything in moderation, right? I need to find a balance.

I hate wasting anything, especially time. It’s not something I can get back or make more of. I only have so many days.

In a way, I want to live like every day might be my last. I don’t want to take anything for granted. Then again, I also want to live like I have many days ahead of me. If only because I like to believe I’ll continue to grow and get better.