Personal Reflection

1 Year After I Was Hit By A Car

It’s been exactly one year since I got hit by a car.

On this day in 2018, I had class in the afternoon. I should’ve been home in the early evening. I didn’t get back until it was dark outside. Thankfully on February 6, 2019, I got home safe and sound.

I still think about all the things that happened. How the car slammed into my right leg, how I fell to the ground on my left elbow. Hearing the sirens grow louder. Riding to the hospital in the back of an ambulance. Waiting and more waiting. Having X-rays done. The paperwork and pain that followed. Every phone call to the police and insurance companies afterwards.

I doubt I’ll forget anytime soon. But I’ve come a long way. And despite all the setbacks, I’m so proud of myself.

I survived. I was able to walk away. I can walk and run and dance today. I hope I never take these blessings for granted.

I had some help along the way. I know no one else can possibly understand how I felt, not without experiencing everything I did. But I want to thank someone special. A small act of kindness made a big difference in my life.

Thank you for giving me hope when I needed it the most. Thank you for helping me more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for making me smile and laugh again. Thank you for pulling me out of hell. Thank you for the memories I’ll cherish forever. Thank you for everything.

This post has been incredibly difficult to write. I keep editing my thoughts before I even type them out.

More than anything, I hope one day I can tell the story I need to tell, and do it justice. After all, this isn’t someone else’s story. It’s my own.

Personal Reflection

Why I Am Terrified To Drive

I remember falling to the ground. Crying. Screaming. Hurting. I’ve never been in this much pain before.

I remember he’s not that much older than me. I’m sitting and he’s standing.

I remember the colour of the car. It’s blue. Light blue to be exact.

I remember now in that moment, I didn’t want anyone near me. But people started to approach.

I’m so terrified that one day the roles will be reversed. That the tables will turn.

I could never put someone else through that. A car versus a human. It hurts like hell. Recovery is hard.

I can’t stop thinking how a complete stranger completely changed the course of my life.

The front of the car hit my right leg. I fell on my left elbow. I had to have x-rays done. Fortunately, I didn’t break any bones. But in the days to come, I couldn’t even use my arm to adjust the glasses on my face, much less turn a steering wheel. So I stopped driving. And for a while, I was scared to drive again.

Even before everything happened, I felt anxious about driving. The accident made me more anxious.

I needed to write this post not for anyone else but for myself. Writing has always been my way of coping.

I know I have my demons. But I also know I can defeat them.

Nearly 11 months later, I finally took my road test and passed.

I can’t believe I went from so low to so high in the span of one year. From getting hit by a car to getting my G2 license.

Personal Reflection

How Practicing Mindfulness Helped Me During My Recovery

Being mindful made me listen to my body.

In high school, I had a yoga teacher who made the class meditate every day. In retrospect, I’m grateful for that experience.

Even though I don’t meditate all the time, I do try to be mindful. Especially when my body is in pain.

Nowadays, I stretch often because that’s when I’m able to be more mindful. I become aware of my breathing as well as how I’m feeling.

I struggle with the non-judgemental side of meditating. What can I say? I’m a judgemental person. But honestly, judging others doesn’t make me happier. If anything, I prefer minding my own business. Which is why I try to.

In my experience, I suck at reserving judgment. I’m trying to be more mindful of that.

I’m a fan of mindfulness meditation. It doesn’t solve every problem under the sun, but the practice helped me during a difficult time. I felt more in touch with my body, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.

I also put aside my own judgement long enough to cry a lot of tears. While I know crying isn’t going to fix anything, I tend to feel better after.

I need to express my emotions somehow, regardless of whether they are positive or negative.

Meditation is personal in many ways, and that’s okay. The practice differs from person to person. One form of meditation might not work for you but maybe another will.

At the very least, being aware of how you’re doing isn’t a bad thing.

Personal Reflection

Getting Hit By A Car: The Day After

I’m sore. I’m tired. Everything hurts. But I’m alive.

I have a story to tell, many in fact. I’ll be talking about this incident for a long time.

To be honest, I need some time to work through things. I can’t ask you to stick around, but I’d appreciate it if you do.

So much of my life has changed, yet I want the core of who I am to stay the same.

I suspect I’ll be a broken record on repeat for a long time. Then again, I was a broken record before. I’m even more broken after.

Before and after. That’s how I think about my life now. Before the accident. After the accident.

I’m trying to take life one day at a time. I can’t bring myself to think too far ahead. I have a long road ahead of me. Hopefully.

The physical pain will heal faster than the mental and emotional. I’m not sure all the pain will ever truly go away. Still, it’ll fade with time.

I like to think I can get back on track again soon. If I miss a day of blogging, bear with me. If my posts become boring, read something else. Life’s too short.

Personally, I write to make sense of what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling. So I hope to look back one day and know I made it out okay.

As always, I can’t thank you all enough.

Personal Reflection

15 Things I Hate

I feel like I’ve mentioned most of these things either indirectly or addressed them completely.

  1. Smudges.
  2. Public washrooms.
  3. Small spaces.
  4. Mud.
  5. Tardiness.
  6. Disappointment.
  7. Bad pain.
  8. Bad germs.
  9. Bad manners.
  10. Arrogance.
  11. Insects.
  12. Losing.
  13. Negativity.
  14. Liars.
  15. Most people.

I also hate redundancy, but I’m redundant by nature.

And yes, I am very much a hypocrite.

Blogging · Dancing · Writing

The Silver Lining In Injuring My Ankle

It’s not my wrist. So I can still write and blog without crying out in pain.

I haven’t danced in two days (feels more like two weeks), but that isn’t the end of the world.

This reminds me of a post I did a while back entitled Silver Lining. And by a while back, I mean over two years ago. Time passes by quickly when all is fit and fine.

I hope your wrists and ankles are okay. And if they aren’t, I hope they get better soon.

Reading

Book Buying

I think I need to stop buying so many books. But I just can’t help myself.

Sooner or later, I’m going to run out of space to put them all. Then again I’d be fine getting rid of everything I own to make room for more books.

And I can’t go on a book buying ban or a book buying boycott. That’s a terrible idea.

If I could never purchase a single book ever again, I would be in physical pain.

Don’t get me started on not being able to read anything for the rest of my life. Don’t. Just don’t.

Creative Writing

Everything I Know

If I could rewrite our story

If I could resing our song

If I could recall our tale

Of how it all went wrong

To starting over

To letting go

To pain and love

And everything I know