Writing

When Writing Hurts More Than It Helps

Writing is hard. On one hand, it helps. On the other, writing hurts. It’s therapeutic at times. But some days when I pick up a pen, I return to a difficult past.

On bad writing days, I wonder why I’m wasting my time. On better ones, I tell myself there is nothing else I’d rather be doing.

Over the summer, I actually took a break from creative writing. I thought it was much needed.

I fell in love with writing because it allowed me to reclaim my happiness. Then again, writing can be painful too.

I recall the past when I write, only to realize it’s gone. I don’t have yesterday anymore. I only have today.

For better or worse, I will write. I’m never going to let anyone stop me.

Writing gives me the chance to start again. I have to make a conscious effort to start anew. Easier said than done but it must be done. Even if I spend the rest of my life trying, at least I can die knowing that I tried. I made an effort. I didn’t quit, give up. I won’t take the easy way out. That’s not fair to myself. Easy isn’t always better.

Personal Reflection

Learning To Let Go

I have a hard time letting go. Even when I shouldn’t, I hold on.

More than anything, I need closure. But I don’t always get it. And then I’m left wondering what if. I can’t stop thinking about what could’ve been.

Sometimes a part of me doesn’t want to let go, so I don’t. Still, I can’t stay in the same place forever. Somehow I have to move on.

I hold onto love or what I think I love. In doing so, I realize I’m not loving myself. When I make decisions, I need to do what’s best for me. I need to love myself first before I can love someone else.

I find it easier to hold onto the past. That being said, letting go is liberating. I’m not my past. My past doesn’t define my future. Every day is a chance to start over.

I’m learning to let go. It’s been a long, hard road. I want to believe time heals wounds. But I keep re-opening them, rubbing salt right where it hurts.

I never want to take anything for granted. Yet I don’t always realize how lucky I am until I lose. And I hate that I can’t get back what I lost. I can only try to find something new.

Hopefully I can let go of the memories that burden me. Nevertheless, I will cherish many moments.

I can’t change or control other people. But I can change myself. I control what I do.

I know I need to let go. It doesn’t happen overnight. This is going to take time. Eventually, I’ll be in a better place, and that’s for the best.

Personal Reflection

21 Things I Want To Change About Myself At 21 Years Old

  1. Procrastinating too much.
  2. Holding grudges.
  3. Making assumptions.
  4. Playing it safe.
  5. Stressing myself out.
  6. Overthinking things.
  7. Analyzing too much.
  8. Letting fear hold me back.
  9. Judging other people.
  10. Criticizing someone I hardly know.
  11. Being lazy and lethargic.
  12. Eating more than I should.
  13. Dividing my attention.
  14. Getting easily distracted.
  15. Abandoning creative projects.
  16. Forgetting what my friends tell me.
  17. Taking myself too seriously.
  18. Holding onto the past.
  19. Underestimating my abilities.
  20. Buying stuff I don’t need.
  21. Making small things a big deal.
Personal Reflection

What I’d Tell My 20 Year Old Self

Be kind to everyone.

You don’t know what others are going through. They might be having a bad day.

You’re stronger than you think.

Give yourself more credit than you do.

Listen to the voice in your head.

Don’t confuse it for the voices of society.

Take care of your body.

You only have one.

The world isn’t fair.

Sometimes you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s life.

Love without shame.

Fall in love with people and things.

Learn to forgive.

You may never forget, but you can forgive. Do it for your own sake and sanity.

Confront your demons.

You have to face your fears. You can’t live the rest of your life scared to death.

Embrace failure and rejection.

You will learn more from screwing up than from success.

You aren’t always right.

It’s OK to be wrong.

You are not defined by your past.

Likewise, your past doesn’t dictate your future. Your present doesn’t either.

You will get better.

Your situation will improve. Nothing lasts forever. You may not feel fine right now, but one day you will.

Writing

When You’re Feeling Anxious About The Future

When you’re feeling anxious about the future, remember to breathe. Focus on your breathing.

You can’t control everything. Change what you can. Don’t worry about the rest.

Double check. Triple check. Don’t let anything slip through the cracks. Make sure you’re on the right track.

Failure is inevitable. You will fail. You’ll lose. The key is to hold your head high.

Take rejection like a professional. You’re one step closer to success.

Try to live in the present. It’s so much easier said than done. But you only have today. You don’t know what tomorrow may bring, much less next year.

Appreciate your own accomplishments. You’re here because you’ve succeeded in the past. There’s no reason why you can’t succeed again.

Let go. Leave the baggage behind. Your past doesn’t dictate your future unless you let it. Likewise, your current circumstances don’t dictate what’s to come. Things change. People do too.

Believe in your dreams over your nightmares. One day, you will get where you want to go. But you have to take the steps to get there. Take life one day at a time, one deadline at a time.

You can’t do it all. You don’t have to. Everyone has 24 hours.

You’re stronger than you feel. You’re smarter than you think. In fact, you’re better than you know.

You can give something your all or you can get nothing instead.

Do what you want. Do what you need. Do makes you happy.

It’s OK to forget. Sometimes you have to forgive others. Other times, you have to forgive yourself.

Take care of your body now, so you’ll be healthy later. It’s easier to stay in shape than it is to get back into shape. Self-care extends beyond exercising.

If you’re struggling, ask for help. You’re not alone. You will never be.

When you’re anxious about the future, imagine a better world. Get excited about new possibilities. You don’t need to have all the answers, just a desire to ask questions.

Personal Reflection

On Living In The Present Moment

Yesterday is over. Tomorrow isn’t here yet. All we have is today. And And even though right now may not be great or even good, we only have this very moment.

I tend to jump between obsessing over the past or worrying about the future instead of focussing on the present.

It’s not easy to be here. It’s easier to look back at the past when the now gets too difficult, believing things were simpler back then. Or to look ahead, hoping circumstances will get better.

The present moment isn’t usually so bad. In the moment, conditions seem worse than they are.

I concentrate so much on small details that don’t even matter rather than looking at the bigger picture.

While I love what I do, I’m not always present when writing or reading. I try to be, but some days, I get distracted by my own thoughts. Working on a story that excites me or curling up with a great book helps.

I don’t meditate much these days. I do want to be more mindful though. I think there are times where it’s OK to reflect on yesterday or last year. Likewise, it’s fine to anticipate the days and months to come.

I feel like the older I get, the harder it is to live fully in the present. When life gets busier, it’s even harder to enjoy the moment. I think more about arriving at my destination than appreciating my journey.

I want to slow down or even stop at times. I can’t drop everything, but a day or two away won’t hurt.

I ought to relax, take my time. I have a tendency to rush through everything. Then again, I believe some things can’t be rushed. Art, for example. At the very least, they shouldn’t be.

I’m trying my best to live in the present moment. I’ll never get another moment just like it, so I need to make the most of today.

Personal Reflection

On Turning 20 Years Old

On August 22, 2017, I turned 20 years old.

I didn’t feel any different at the time. But I’ve changed so much since then.

I have come a long way. I’d even go so far as to say the person I was yesterday is not who I am today.

20 years might not seem like much for some people. But for me, it’s my whole life. Now with two decades of living under my belt, I can confidently say that as I’ve grown older, I have also gotten better.

In recent months, I gained much needed perspective. I realized there’s a lot more to life than being popular or cool, getting straight A’s, etc.

I used to worry myself crazy over things that never came to pass.

I obsessed over a past I couldn’t change and worried about a future I had no control over.

I would overthink. Overanalyze people and situations. Read too much into body language or certain words, phrases, so on.

As of late, I’ve tried to focus more on the present. Cliché, huh?

Nowadays, I’m doing my best to live in the moment and enjoy myself.

After all, we only ever have today. We don’t have tomorrow. But we have right now.

The older I get, the more accepting I am of certain facts in life. One being humans are constantly changing. Hence why I’m making peace with the consequences, positive or negative, of those changes.

I did plenty of self-reflection this past summer. I had time to think, so I thought. A lot.

As I’m writing this, I want nothing more than to be happy and healthy.

I personally define happiness as being able to do what I love and actually doing it. If all else fails, I will still continue to pursue the things that bring me the most joy in life.

This blog is a little over four years old. But I feel like turning twenty means a new beginning for my blogging, my writing, my everything.

Cheers to all of you who stuck by a teen writer for however long you did.

I’m an adult now, which means I no longer have an excuse to create crappy content. I joke.

Thank you for making the past four and final years of my teens the best I could’ve ever asked for.

Here’s to many more.

Writing

Another Writerly “Would You Rather”

Remember when I did a whole slew of “Would You Rather” posts last year? Good times.

You can find her post here.

Would you rather…

Drink coffee or tea?

I run on water. But between the two drinks, I’d have to say tea. To be fair, I don’t think I’ve ever had coffee in my eighteen year lifespan.

Write a series in the same world or create a new world with every novel? 

Create new worlds. I get bored easily. Too easily.

Write a short story a week or one novel a year?

Probably a short story a week and then combine them all into a novel. In all seriousness, I’d write more if I wrote one short story a week as opposed to a novel a year.

Type or write longhand?

I think the appearance of my right hand gives it away.

Write play scripts or comic books?

Scripts. I’ve written scripts before but not comics.

Have more of an author presence on Twitter or Tumblr?

I have more of a presence on Tumblr because I’m horrendous with Twitter. But I’d like to be better.

Use your real name or a pen name?

I’m too vain to use a pen name.

Have your book become a movie or a television show?

Probably movie even though a TV show would be super cool. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.

Read your writing aloud to a roomful of loved ones or strangers?

Without a doubt, strangers. Stranger danger doesn’t exist to me.

Write in silence or with noise/music?

Music please. I write in silence when the mood strikes me.

Have an entire day of uninterrupted writing time or write in short bursts of time?

Short bursts. An entire day of anything is too much.

Be a main character in a romance novel or an action novel?

Action. Action. Action.

Write about the past or the future?

Future. Who wants to drag up the past anyway? Not me.

Be the lesser-known coauthor of a bestseller or the sole author of an average-selling book?

This is tough. Probably sole author of an average-selling book. Again vain. I want my name and my name only all over the book.

Meticulously plot out every aspect of your novel or just wing it?

I wing more than I plot. That might explain why my stories lack plot. A plot is non-existent as well.

I tag all your beautiful bodies and brains.

Thanks Kris. You saved me from coming up with a blog post idea today.