So I haven’t been blogging as much lately.
Sometimes, I can’t seem to push the publish button. I’m too hard on myself. In some ways, I expect perfection even though nothing will ever be perfect, especially these short, informal, personal blog posts.
My creativity has left me these days. I realize I’m not operating on an optimal level because I don’t get enough sleep.
I hope this phase ends sooner rather than later. I don’t know how other bloggers do it. I have no idea how I’ve managed for the past five years.
I’m not giving up, but going forward, I’ll be blogging less.
As much as I want to make all my hobbies a priority, this blog isn’t the biggest one right now.
I’m coming to terms with the fact I can’t do everything, but I can do a few things well.
Blogging is not easy. It’s hard. And life happens. That said, I’ll try to enjoy the process and embrace the challenges.
Some days, I feel I’m not good enough. I don’t give myself enough credit.
But I know what I’m good at, and I know what I’m not good at. That being said, I don’t know much. All I know is I want to write, need to.
I want to get better, do better. It’s tough though. I feel like no matter how hard I work, I’ll never be good. I’ll never do enough.
Being a writer is the best thing that ever happened to me. But some days it’s the hardest thing in the world.
I can’t not write. I can’t bear untold stories inside me. I don’t even care if they don’t see the light of day. It doesn’t matter whether people read my words or not. What matters is I write them, one by one.
I try to refrain from tearing myself down when I write. So writing helps boost my self-esteem. The school system doesn’t do wonders for anyone’s confidence.
I hate that I let grades affect me so much. One good grade doesn’t make me focus less on all the bad ones.
I’m also way too hard on myself. It’s not even because I’m a perfectionist. I just expect perfection in my results. Which is problematic. But that’s who I am.
When I first started blogging, I had the goal of publishing a post a day. Now that I’m older and busier, I wonder why I set future me up for failure.
On a serious note, I don’t have to publish something every day. But nowadays, it feels wrong not posting.
I think 15-year-old me was wise in some ways. Trust me when I say she was not wise in many ways.
Still, she knew practicing every day does a lot more good than practicing once a month. But she also knew that without a goal, Herminia will do nothing. She’d sit on her hands. She would wait for opportunities to fall from the sky into her lap. She’s also lazy. She comes up with excuses.
I’m also realizing now that if I let myself try to write the perfect novel, I would. But you can’t make anything perfect. You have to write a lot of bad before you write anything good.
I’m not aiming for perfection every time I hit publish. I’m aiming for progress. I want to learn and grow. I can’t do that if I spend my whole life trying to plan the most perfect post or the best novel.
There’s still so much I don’t know. But I do know I enjoy the challenge of creating content. I like having a place where I can be less academic, formal, professional, etc.
I’m allowed to do whatever I want, however I want. So maybe just maybe I can go back to being that naïve girl who fell in love with blogging and never looked back. She made her own rules, found success on her own terms.
Or try to anyway.
I started blogging when I was fifteen years old. For some reason, I thought it’d be a good idea to publish a post every day. Four years later, I still aim to post something, a poem, a story, etc., within a twenty-four hour time frame.
I’m glad I push myself to do so. If I didn’t, I probably wouldn’t blog much at all. I’d blog when I felt like it, when I had free time. Instead I blog even when I don’t want to, even when I have to make time for it.
Often before I sit down and blog, I’m not inspired or motivated. So part of the challenge is overcoming that. Why wait for inspiration or motivation anyway?
The more I blog, the more satisfying it is. Hence I try to blog as often as I can. Every day works for me.
Before I became a blogger, I had a tendency to work towards perfection. I still do to an extent. But being a blogger has made me realize I don’t have to be perfect.
Blogging is not about perfection so much as it is about getting my ideas down and working through them.
I somehow survived my first year of university and will go into my second very soon.
But there are some things I wish I could’ve told the girl I was a year ago.
- You’re a human.
- Don’t expect perfection, just work on execution.
- You’re a human being.
- Don’t let your ego get bigger than your eye.
- You’re a flawed human being.
I’m not sure if I want to publish my Writing 101 stuff or not.
Granted it won’t be any good.
Then again, the feedback would help me improve.
I’ll leave the to-post-or-not-to-post decision to my mood. So if future me wants to post, I shall. If I don’t feel like sharing on that particular day, I’ll keep what I’ve written to myself. Or until I fix, revise, and edit the thing to perfection.
Are you participating in Writing 101? Camp NaNoWriMo? Both?
Obviously I wish you the best of luck with your writing regardless.
I aim for perfection but strive for excellence.
This isn’t exactly true (at least not all the time), but you get my point.
There’s bad writing. There’s good writing. And then there’s excellent writing.