Personal Reflection

Why I Am Terrified To Drive

I remember falling to the ground. Crying. Screaming. Hurting. I’ve never been in this much pain before.

I remember he’s not that much older than me. I’m sitting and he’s standing.

I remember the colour of the car. It’s blue. Light blue to be exact.

I remember now in that moment, I didn’t want anyone near me. But people started to approach.

I’m so terrified that one day the roles will be reversed. That the tables will turn.

I could never put someone else through that. A car versus a human. It hurts like hell. Recovery is hard.

I can’t stop thinking how a complete stranger completely changed the course of my life.

The front of the car hit my right leg. I fell on my left elbow. I had to have x-rays done. Fortunately, I didn’t break any bones. But in the days to come, I couldn’t even use my arm to adjust the glasses on my face, much less turn a steering wheel. So I stopped driving. And for a while, I was scared to drive again.

Even before everything happened, I felt anxious about driving. The accident made me more anxious.

I needed to write this post not for anyone else but for myself. Writing has always been my way of coping.

I know I have my demons. But I also know I can defeat them.

Nearly 11 months later, I finally took my road test and passed.

I can’t believe I went from so low to so high in the span of one year. From getting hit by a car to getting my G2 license.

Personal Reflection

Taking Some Time To Reflect

I want to take some time to reflect on this year. It wasn’t always easy. I had bad days. But I’m in a better place now.

I’m content. I’ve been fortunate enough to do what I love. I fought and still fight to protect my time.

I’ve experienced a lot of things I didn’t think I would. Some good, some bad. Some downright awful. But I’m still standing.

I went from going through the worst to the best period of my life. And I owe a lot of that to a very special person. Make no mistake, I’ll still single. But a complete stranger changed my life for the better.

Little by little, my perspective has expanded and evolved. I’m not perfect, but I don’t need to be. I’ve done so much, and I am ready to do more.

Even though I’m grateful for all the big events, I’m equally thankful for all the small tasks. I’ve been able to get back a lot of what I lost. There’s still a lot for me to live for.

I’m alive. I feel alive. My smile has reached my eyes, not just once or twice but countless times.

That said, recovery is a long road. In some ways, I’m still recovering. That’s okay. I’ve been able to share this journey with some incredible individuals. So thank you.

Personal Reflection

How Practicing Mindfulness Helped Me During My Recovery

Being mindful made me listen to my body.

In high school, I had a yoga teacher who made the class meditate every day. In retrospect, I’m grateful for that experience.

Even though I don’t meditate all the time, I do try to be mindful. Especially when my body is in pain.

Nowadays, I stretch often because that’s when I’m able to be more mindful. I become aware of my breathing as well as how I’m feeling.

I struggle with the non-judgemental side of meditating. What can I say? I’m a judgemental person. But honestly, judging others doesn’t make me happier. If anything, I prefer minding my own business. Which is why I try to.

In my experience, I suck at reserving judgment. I’m trying to be more mindful of that.

I’m a fan of mindfulness meditation. It doesn’t solve every problem under the sun, but the practice helped me during a difficult time. I felt more in touch with my body, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.

I also put aside my own judgement long enough to cry a lot of tears. While I know crying isn’t going to fix anything, I tend to feel better after.

I need to express my emotions somehow, regardless of whether they are positive or negative.

Meditation is personal in many ways, and that’s okay. The practice differs from person to person. One form of meditation might not work for you but maybe another will.

At the very least, being aware of how you’re doing isn’t a bad thing.

Personal Reflection

Remembrance Day Problem

Remembrance Day stirs up a lot of feelings. I’m an emotional wreck as it is but November 11th is another problem altogether.

So excuse me while I recover from this.

I’ll be back tomorrow in a better emotional state. I hope.