Her heart was heavy. So was her mind. She sat alone, more than one hundred people sitting around her.
Mara didn’t register anyone else in the room except for one person. A boy she didn’t even know. He was a stranger to her and her to him. But she couldn’t help but feel as if she knew him personally, on some deeper level. Mara had a hard time understanding why she felt the way she did.
Mara knew his full name, a feat of nothing to her. He had said his first name when introducing himself to another classmate. In her memory, she could recall that day easily. She found out his surname with the help of Facebook. It took her a few minutes. A few minutes of her life she will never get back. But her heart had no regrets.
She focused on her breathing. In. Out. Mara clutched her red binder to her chest.
A part of her tried to convince herself that she was wrong. That the boy she met wasn’t the boy sitting a few rows in front of her, talking to another girl. Another part wanted to reason with the more logical side of her brain. That the boy she wanted wasn’t the boy she needed. Besides, she didn’t need anyone. Not a boy, not a friend. Mara had herself. That’s all she ever had. All she needed.
To make her feel better, Mara attempted to tell lies. Lies she never believed and wouldn’t start believing now.
Class was halfway over when her heart finally began to break.