Personal Reflection

What Do You Want Out Of Life?

I want to be happy. I hope I’m able to do what I want to do.

My health is important to me. But sometimes I do things at the expense of my well-being.

Even though I worry so much about so many things, writing helps. When there’s nothing to stress over, my mind makes something up. At least getting my thoughts and feelings on the page takes some of the weight off my shoulders.

This year has been tough for reasons out of my control. So I’ve tried hard to focus on what I can control.

Word by word, day by day is my motto. I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself. Sometimes though I can’t stop thinking about the far future.

I like to believe everything will work out somehow. The pieces will fall into place eventually.

For now, I want to concentrate on the present moment. I need to enjoy each day.

I love what I do because I love the act of doing them. It’s the process, the journey that matters. Not the numbers, not the results.

While I don’t know everything, I know I want to learn. Even if it terrifies me. I want to learn more. I want to better myself as a human being.

I’m always learning. I love teaching myself. Going at my own pace, putting in a little bit of work every day.

Personal Reflection

School, Stress, And Stories

I’m a little stressed about school and life in general. Make that a lot. But when I look back on February, I’m proud of myself. Somehow, I survived. I even read and wrote every day during a short but insane month.

Recently, I’ve felt at peace while reading stories. Thank goodness books exist.

Because some days didn’t work out exactly the way I envisioned, I haven’t been as productive as I planned to be. Which explains why there’s a lot I need to do in March.

I bite off more than I can chew. Even though I don’t have to, I load my plate full.

Yes, I realize I have high expectations and a crazy imagination. Sometimes they work in tandem. Other times, I feel like my world is falling apart.

I’m doing my best. I know I say that all the time. I’m still a broken record. No surprise there.

Unfortunately, I feel like my best isn’t good enough, like I’ll never be enough.

But if I can get through this, I can get through anything.

Even though telling my story isn’t easy, I intend to stay strong. More than anything, I’d like to live on my own terms going forward.

School

Thoughts I Have About The First Day Of School

I’m writing this before I go back to school, but by the time I edit and publish it, I’ll probably have survived my first day. Or not. I don’t know. Even though I want to predict the future sometimes, I can’t. Ever.

(I survived.)

While the first class is an easy one in some ways, I’ve never felt great in the days leading up to it. Nervousness and excitement don’t mix well for me. I’m just a ball of stress in the mornings.

Fortunately, university hasn’t been as horrible as high school.

I think I’ve experienced enough first days to know I’ll get through another one without the world crashing down on me.

I’m going into my third year of university. Been there, done that. Twice. So I’m not as nervous or terrified. I think I’m more excited than scared at this point. I just want to make this year the best one yet. At least better than last because second year is not one I want to relive. Thankfully, I don’t have to.

(Now I only have one more first day to go. That’s insane. I can’t wrap my head around it.)

I’m wondering if I was more worried about my first day of work. Technically, first days. I think not. There’s something scarier about school, I guess.

To all the students who have gone back, I hope you had a great one. To all those yet to go back, I wish you the very best. If you already graduated, congrats on making it through.

I don’t really know what else to say, except that I’m looking forward to seeing what this year has in store. I have no idea what to expect, so I’m not expecting much.

I know it won’t be easy. But challenge makes life interesting.

I’ll write about my trials and tribulations, so you can laugh at me as I wallow in my misery.

I like to think whatever happens, happens for a reason. I can’t control everything, but I can control myself.

Over the course of this semester, I will do my best to look after my health (physical and mental). That’s important to me. And my happiness too, of course.

Here’s to an amazing year. May you achieve all your goals, academic or otherwise. I hope 2017-2018 is everything you hoped for and more.

School

Why I Love And Dislike Going Back To School

Hate is a strong word. I love and dislike going back to school for different reasons.

I enjoy learning. I want to learn for the rest of my life. I hope to remain a student even after I graduate school.

Here’s some baseball for you. People often describe ball players as students of the game.

Well, I want to be a student of the craft that is writing and blogging. Creating good content.

There will always be things I don’t know. Stuff I want to learn. And to be fair, school has taught me a ton. Not just facts and dates. But soft skills that are tough to quantify. Life lessons I needed to experience first-hand.

Without the classroom setting, I’m not sure I’d be able to hold a conversation with anyone not in my immediate family.

So I’m excited to learn. I miss being a typical, traditional student. But I don’t miss the stress and anxiety.

I used to dread the moments in the morning between getting ready and going to school.

I felt awful. My heart beat faster than if I had sprinted a marathon. (I’m aware you don’t sprint an entire marathon. I said this more for effect. But if I have to clarify than I guess I didn’t do that great of a job, did I?)

Being late still gives me nightmares. Talking to people, especially strangers is difficult even now. So you can imagine how much worse it was for younger me.

My imagination is wonderful when I’m writing. Not so much when I’m living.

I would play out various scenarios in my mind, some much worse than others. So I tended to believe bad things would happen. Like I’d be late and miss my exam. Or I would participate but say the wrong answer. Come to think of it, what’s the worst that can really happen, right?

At least this year I’m more excited than nervous. I can’t say the same for previous years.

I wish everyone going back to school the best. Send me your success stories. Of course, I’ll share many of my horror stories on this blog, so stick around. Stay for all the humiliation of Herminia to come.

Blogging

You Don’t Want To Blog?

Oh, you don’t want to blog?

Are you being lazy? Are you feeling tired? You aren’t up for it? 

Do you want to sleep? Are you exhausted?

What’s that? You have no time? God forbid you’re busy? 

You have nothing to say? You don’t know what to blog about?

It’s not fun? It’s stressful? You’re not enjoying it? 

You want to do something else. Wait, you’d rather do anything else?

You have other things to do? 

Well, isn’t that a shame. 

Whenever I don’t feel like blogging, I’ll return to this post and remind myself that my excuses, any and all of them, suck. 

Personal Reflection · Writing

Why I’m Loving Camp NaNoWriMo July 2015

Because there is no school and no stress.

July is a good month to do a whack-load of stuff. For me it’s the most relaxing month of them all.

I realize that sentiment doesn’t apply to everybody.

Still, ten months of school for fourteen years is the worst. At least once university starts, I’ll have eight months of school and four months of summer.

July is my most stress-free month. What’s yours?

As if I need to say it, but I’d rather write 50,000 words every month each year than go to school at all. Can someone grant me that wish?

Personal Reflection

I Worry And Worry And Worry

I worry about everything.

Even though I know I worry too much, I can’t help it. I am a worrier. Always have been, always will be.

I worry and worry and worry. Sometimes to the point where it’s unhealthy.

Let me throw out a random, somewhat trivial example. Every time I send an email and don’t get a response, I worry that the receiver hasn’t gotten my email. Unfortunately, people tend to read my emails but for some reason, choose not to reply to them. (Thanks a lot. I wish you knew how stressed out this makes me feel.) I worry until I can somehow confirm they have indeed received my message.

It seems like all I ever do is worry.

Writing

Camp NaNoWriMo Struggles

For some reason or many reasons, I have been struggling with Camp NaNoWriMo this year. Shocking, huh? As much as I hate to say it, the stress is starting to get to me.

I know it’s only been three days, but I’m already behind on my word count. Like way behind. Like last in a race. Near the starting point. Barely moved at all. That’s how behind I am.

Stress makes me melodramatic. More melodramatic than I usually am anyway.

In other news, have a Good Friday. Enjoy your Easter weekend no matter what you’re doing or not doing.

Promise me you’ll keep writing.

And blogging. I swear I enjoy reading your posts.