One of these days I’ll stop talking about my 20th birthday. Today isn’t one of those days.
To be honest, I feel good about where I am right now. Better than I have in a long time.
A while ago, I was talking to one of my high school teachers. Somehow my birthday in August came up. He made a point that stuck with me. I wish I remember his words exactly. Something like my having a birthday during an anxious, stressful time of the year. I couldn’t have agreed more.
I used to feel horrible in the mornings right before school. It’s not that I hated school inherently. But the thought of having to deal with people sent my heart pumping even faster than exercise.
My special day is and I suspect always will be a transitional time for me even after I graduate from university in two years. Yes, I’m assuming I’ll graduate. Allow me.
The memories I have of my childhood mornings are not fun or easy. I realize I can’t change the fact that I used to dread going back to school. But a part of me thinks it’s messed up that I and many other students feel anxious or afraid.
There’s a difference between not liking something and being terrified of it.
I felt terrible for so many reasons. My overactive imagination deserves a medal or trophy. More often than not, I scared myself because I thought of horrible situations. Most never came to pass.
When I think about school now, I’m not as worried or nervous. I’m not too afraid or scared. I am excited.
I’m looking forward to the rest of this upcoming academic year because I know that regardless of what happens, the sky won’t fall on my head. The ground isn’t going to open beneath my feet and swallow me whole.
I’ll be fine. The world won’t end. And if the sun will rise every day, so can I.
Herminia Chow 