I didn’t post daily in January. I also didn’t even write a blog post every day. Even though I was a little bothered by that, I’ve been more bothered by other things. Like burnout and blogger’s block, which is like writer’s block but worse. I had an easier time writing than blogging last month.
New month, new me. That said, I won’t be blogging all the time because I need to live my life. But I’m ready to get back into the grind. It’s not always easy, but I’m grateful for every opportunity.
I want to address being blocked so to speak. I don’t want to wait for inspiration. I’d rather get to work. For some reason, I didn’t have many great ideas in January. Even promising ones didn’t pan out. For instance, I drafted a one-word writing interview/Q&A. I liked the idea. I didn’t like the draft. And because I made it my goal in 2019 to publish content I’m proud of, I don’t want to post something for the sake of posting.
In regards to burnout, I started this blog in 2013. At the time, I wanted to publish every day. I was in high school. I wasn’t as busy. So I had more time and energy. But a lot has changed in five, almost six years. I’ve changed. WordPress has changed. What didn’t change was my stubborn commitment to blog daily. But 2018 was a hard year for me. I got hit by a car at the beginning of the year. Recovering was a long and exhausting process.
I was fortunate enough to go twenty years without anything truly traumatic happening to me. So I guess my point is that trying to blog every day while trying to let my body and brain heal made me burnout in a way I never experienced before.
It’s been nearly a year since my life changed forever, and I’m ready to live fully again.
My biggest fear in life isn’t failure. It’s not trying.
I somehow convince myself that I’m not good enough. As a result, I don’t try sometimes.
It’s 2019, and I’m still just as hard on myself, if not even harder.
I have to try. I have to try my best.
I know I don’t handle failure well though. I’m working on it. I wish I could easily embrace mistakes.
I’m aware that by not trying, in a way I avoid failing. Still, I fail in a different way. I fail if I don’t try.
This year, I want to take risks I haven’t before. If I don’t try, I’ll never know. If I don’t ask, the answer will always be no.
When I was younger, I was more fearless, less afraid. Back then, I felt like I had less to lose. But I don’t have much to lose now either.
Ideally, I’d publish a book before I have kids. Now that I’ve put my intention out into the world, I hope to follow through. The first step is trying to tell the best story I can. I’ve given myself a somewhat flexible due date. Without a timeline of some kind, I could spend my whole life writing novels but never publishing them. At this point, I just need to start somewhere. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, starting is the hardest part.
Some things I want to do before I die.
Publish a book.
For as long as I can remember, I dreamed of becoming an author. I’m nowhere near publication right now, but check back with me in several years, okay?
Interview a celebrity.
I’ve been thinking about interviews lately for some reason. Also, I use the word “celebrity” loosely. Anyone successful. Author, athlete, actor, etc. Anyone cooler than me essentially.
Run a marathon.
As a kid, my endurance wasn’t that bad. During track events, I chose the longer distances. Then again, I remember going to a track meet at another school and not wanting to do the race. I didn’t come in last at least. In my high school fitness class, we had to run 5K at the end of the semester. I survived. Somehow.
Host a party.
Social anxiety means people and parties aren’t my thing. I didn’t go to formals. I didn’t go to prom. So for me, hosting a party will be quite a challenge.
Start a book club.
First, I need to find strangers who like to read. Then I have to get them to be my friend. That’s not an easy task because I seem to scare normal humans away. Let’s not get into my pettiness or the fact I burn bridges like people burn matches. Maybe I’m better off starting a virtual book club.
Knit a scarf.
If you’re willing to teach me how to sew, I’m willing to learn. I can teach you how not to sing in return. Sounds like a fair trade if you ask me.
After a busy November where I didn’t post on this blog much, I’m trying to publish more in December.
I haven’t been writing a blog post every day however. I miss it, but taking a break has made me excited to create again.
When I write blog posts, I don’t ever aim for long, perfect first drafts. It’s enough to get some thoughts in my head on the page.
I also try to publish often, but I’m not aiming for mind-blowing, earth-shattering content. That’s never been my goal.
I know I’m behind with everything, but I still feel fine. And that’s all that matters to me.
I don’t enjoy falling behind because catching up is such a challenge. But I’ll manage somehow. I can’t do everything, but I can do enough to succeed. I hope.
When it comes to my habits, I’m not as stubborn as I used to be. Besides, the world won’t end if I miss a day or three of blogging. I can always get back into the grind at a later time.
This year, I’ve had a lot of high highs and low lows this year. Even so, I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s. Check back with me once I write my exams and get my grades though.
As I get older, I feel busier. Then again, I think I’d rather be busy than bored. That way, I don’t have an existential crisis every other moment.
I’ve decided to cut back on blogging. I could never give it up completely, and I don’t want to take an extended break either. Which is why for now at least, I plan to publish less often.
There isn’t just one reason why. It’s a combination of many factors.
To be honest, I haven’t been as excited about my content lately, and I hate the idea of forcing myself to put out posts I’m not proud of.
When I first started blogging, I made it my goal to publish every day. Right now however, this blog isn’t my biggest priority.
I like to believe I’m embarking on a different chapter of my journey. Hopefully, I’ll be a better blogger in the months to come.
I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be here, just not as often. I’ve lost my way, so I need some time to find myself again. Maybe down the line, I’ll look back and think this was the best decision I ever made.
These days, I feel pulled in every direction. I have conflicting voices in my head that contradict each other.
Blogging is hard. I’ve had fun, but it isn’t easy.
I still love blogging with my whole heart. Besides, I wouldn’t be who I am today without all of you. So thanks for putting up with me.
So I haven’t been blogging as much lately.
Sometimes, I can’t seem to push the publish button. I’m too hard on myself. In some ways, I expect perfection even though nothing will ever be perfect, especially these short, informal, personal blog posts.
My creativity has left me these days. I realize I’m not operating on an optimal level because I don’t get enough sleep.
I hope this phase ends sooner rather than later. I don’t know how other bloggers do it. I have no idea how I’ve managed for the past five years.
I’m not giving up, but going forward, I’ll be blogging less.
As much as I want to make all my hobbies a priority, this blog isn’t the biggest one right now.
I’m coming to terms with the fact I can’t do everything, but I can do a few things well.
Blogging is not easy. It’s hard. And life happens. That said, I’ll try to enjoy the process and embrace the challenges.
For the longest time now, I’ve been meaning to post content on other platforms. Even though I love WordPress, I’m always looking for different places to publish my writing.
Unfortunately, I’m lazy. I procrastinate all the time. Still, I want to make more of an effort to get my work out into the world.
I haven’t worked through all the logistics just yet. I have a WattPad account, and I want to put more of my creative writing on there.
I’m also testing out Medium to see if I like the platform. I most likely won’t create another blog, at least not right now. Perhaps in the future. I can barely keep up with this one though.
I need to let myself experiment and try out different platforms. Once I get things going, I’ll share more details.
More than anything, I hope to have fun and enjoy myself. Which for me means creating content I like.
Of course, I’m still growing and maturing. As the writer evolves, the work will as well.
When people ask me what I want to do, I almost always say I want to write. And that’s true. I do. I wish I could write without worrying about anything else.
I like to think this blog is my home base. Even though I’ll post content on other sites, I’m not going away. I’m just going to new places and meeting new faces. I feel excited to see where my journey takes me.
When I first started blogging, I had the goal of publishing a post a day. Now that I’m older and busier, I wonder why I set future me up for failure.
On a serious note, I don’t have to publish something every day. But nowadays, it feels wrong not posting.
I think 15-year-old me was wise in some ways. Trust me when I say she was not wise in many ways.
Still, she knew practicing every day does a lot more good than practicing once a month. But she also knew that without a goal, Herminia will do nothing. She’d sit on her hands. She would wait for opportunities to fall from the sky into her lap. She’s also lazy. She comes up with excuses.
I’m also realizing now that if I let myself try to write the perfect novel, I would. But you can’t make anything perfect. You have to write a lot of bad before you write anything good.
I’m not aiming for perfection every time I hit publish. I’m aiming for progress. I want to learn and grow. I can’t do that if I spend my whole life trying to plan the most perfect post or the best novel.
There’s still so much I don’t know. But I do know I enjoy the challenge of creating content. I like having a place where I can be less academic, formal, professional, etc.
I’m allowed to do whatever I want, however I want. So maybe just maybe I can go back to being that naïve girl who fell in love with blogging and never looked back. She made her own rules, found success on her own terms.