My Biggest Fear In Life

My biggest fear in life isn’t failure. It’s not trying.

I somehow convince myself that I’m not good enough. As a result, I don’t try sometimes.

It’s 2019, and I’m still just as hard on myself, if not even harder.

I have to try. I have to try my best.

I know I don’t handle failure well though. I’m working on it. I wish I could easily embrace mistakes.

I’m aware that by not trying, in a way I avoid failing. Still, I fail in a different way. I fail if I don’t try.

This year, I want to take risks I haven’t before. If I don’t try, I’ll never know. If I don’t ask, the answer will always be no.

When I was younger, I was more fearless, less afraid. Back then, I felt like I had less to lose. But I don’t have much to lose now either.

Ideally, I’d publish a book before I have kids. Now that I’ve put my intention out into the world, I hope to follow through. The first step is trying to tell the best story I can. I’ve given myself a somewhat flexible due date. Without a timeline of some kind, I could spend my whole life writing novels but never publishing them. At this point, I just need to start somewhere. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, starting is the hardest part.

Before You Learn To Fly, You Must Learn To Fall

Life is too short to hold back, yet I do. As much as I tell myself I don’t care what people think, my actions or lack thereof speak for themselves. I care. Sometimes I care way too much.

Life also hit me hard this year, literally and figuratively. At least, it isn’t about how hard I get hit, but rather how hard I hit back.

I love this blog with my whole heart, but sometimes that makes it harder to post. Every now and then, I think I can’t share something because it doesn’t relate to writing or reading. Still, I want to live my life and create content I love. So I’m trying to let go of the boundaries I set for myself.

I wish I could write whatever I want and share my work with the world. No doubts. No talking myself out of it.

On certain days, I feel bolder than others. Of course, there are times where I play things safe.

I often think about the consequences of putting myself out there. Then again, I have to.

The unknown terrifies every cell in my body. I’m such a planner. I want every little detail to be planned out ahead of time. But I can’t control everything or command everyone.

It’s okay to enjoy the moment. I’m learning to let go of the past. After all, the present is all I have. And I know better than most that life is so short. It can be cut short at any moment.

Fear of failure is the worst. I wish I could be afraid of heights or spiders instead.

I don’t want to hold myself back forever. I guess I haven’t felt ready to spread my wings. But before you learn to fly, you must learn to fall. You must first learn to fail.

21 Things I Want To Change About Myself At 21 Years Old

1. Procrastinating too much.
2. Holding grudges.
3. Making assumptions.
4. Playing it safe.
5. Stressing myself out.
6. Overthinking things.
7. Analyzing too much.
8. Letting fear hold me back.
9. Judging other people.
10. Criticizing someone I hardly know.
11. Being lazy and lethargic.
12. Eating more than I should.
13. Dividing my attention.
14. Getting easily distracted.
15. Abandoning creative projects.
16. Forgetting what my friends tell me.
17. Taking myself too seriously.
18. Holding onto the past.
19. Underestimating my abilities.
20. Buying stuff I don’t need.
21. Making small things a big deal.

Feeling Scared To Try New Things

The older I get, the more scared I am to try new things. I feel like I need to stay in my own lane. But I know I won’t grow if I don’t step outside my comfort zone.

I don’t always know what I want to do. I have to try new things before I can decide if it’s right for me.

I’m the type of person who has no problem seeking out new opportunities like applying for a job, internship, etc. But I don’t always follow through. Sometimes I have a valid reason. But other times I back down out of fear. Fear of failure. That I won’t be good enough.

I want to be more willing to try new things. I don’t want to let fear stop me from following through on opportunities that could change my life forever.

I should stop making assumptions or jumping to conclusions. After all, I won’t know whether I like something until I try it.

Oftentimes when I have to make a decision, I weigh the pros and cons. Unfortunately, it’s easier for me to think of disadvantages than advantages. Then again, there are positives I might not consider until I pursue something further.

It’s easy to play things safe. I might as well take a risk while I’m young though. I have very little to lose. If I find something isn’t right for me, that’s OK. If I fall in love with it, great. But I will never know unless I give myself a chance.

Tell The Story You’re Afraid To Tell

As a human being who is terrified of many things, I often use writing to deal with some of my fears. Obviously, that’s not the same as confronting them, but it’s a start.

That being said, I’ve been too scared to write about things I should. Or I’ll beat around the bush and skirt around the issue.

I don’t always write how I really feel.

So hopefully, I’ll listen to my own advice about telling the story I’m afraid to tell. I need to share it, if not with the world then at least with myself.

Perhaps I should do the same on this blog. There are many posts I haven’t written or published because of fear.

Then again, the posts I do manage to write turn out to be some of the best.

I can’t make any specific promises because I break everything, but I can make an effort to overcome my fear. Both on the page and in real life. I encourage all of you to do the same.

It won’t be easy. In fact, that’s hard work. But I like to believe the story you’re scared to death of sharing needs to be told.

I don’t want to live in fear, and I especially don’t want to write in fear.

To be honest, I’ve been holding back. I know I can do better. So what if I fail? So what if I make mistakes? I can learn. I will grow.

I censor, I filter. Sometimes I avoid writing what I think because I worry about what others will think.

But I don’t write for others. I write for myself. I have an audience of one. That girl is hard enough to please on a good day.

I don’t want to make my life even harder because I’m afraid to write. I won’t let fear get the best of me.

Common Fears Writers Face

The fear of no one reading your story. You spent 3,682 hours, 41 minutes, and 9 seconds on one story. But not a single soul will see it. At least your eyes will look upon a masterpiece.

The fear of no one liking your stories. Or worse, everyone hating it.

The fear of failure. Rejection after rejection after rejection.

The fear of success. Some people have a scary definition of what it means to be successful.

The fear of fear. Of course, it’s both a verb and a noun.

The fear of no fear. Imagine not being afraid of anything. Isn’t that terrifying?

The fear of letting others down. Sorry mom.

The fear of letting yourself down. You’re probably your biggest critic.

The fear of losing everything. Especially your dignity.

The fear of losing nothing. Because you don’t have anything to lose.

The fear of losing friends. Then again, you can’t lose what you don’t have in the first place.

The fear of making enemies. It’s like going through high school all over again.

The fear of wasting your time. It’s precious.

The fear of wasting your life. You only get one after all.

Always write out of love. Never write out of fear.

22 Things I’m Terrified Of

A list of things that scare me to some extent.

1. Driving. It still terrifies me.
2. Failure. I hate failing.
3. Rejection. Not as horrifying as it used to be.
4. Being late. I have nightmares about this.
5. Getting drunk. I like being sober and in control.
6. Living in a world without baseball. I wouldn’t want to live in such a world.
7. Noise. Loud noises to be exact.
8. Heat. I don’t want to burn myself.
9. War. Any kind of violence.
10. Blood. Other people’s specifically.
11. Band-aids. More unsettling than anything.
12. Germs. I’m a germaphobe.
13. Forgetting. Especially anything important.
14. Twisting my ankle while walking down the stairs. Happened one too many times.
15. Being out at night. I feel unsafe.
16. Darkness. I used to be afraid of the dark.
17. Dying before I realize my dreams. No need to elaborate there.
18. Dropping money. I’d prefer not to.
19. Losing IDs. What a hassle to replace them.
20. Drowning. Let’s hope I don’t die in a body of water.
21. Getting lost. I’m terrible with directions.
22. Car accidents. This might explain my first fear.

What are you terrified of?

My Biggest Fear

My biggest fear is failure. And even though I know it’s highly unlikely I’ll fail a university course, I still feel so paranoid. There’s a possibility I will. That terrifies me.

I don’t want to fail. That being said, I’ve learned more from my failures than from my successes. I’m not sure when I started to be so afraid of failing. But nowadays I can’t stop thinking about it.

I try to reason. I try to be logical. I’m sure a part of me understands that any type of failure isn’t the end of the world. Most things are replaceable, repairable. Situations can be altered. Problems can be fixed. Mistakes can be rectified.

I fear failing. Or maybe I fear the fear of failing. Am I making sense?

I feel as though I’m not good enough. I feel bad at things I’m not bad at. I feel like a complete fraud.

Suffice to say I’ve been doubting my abilities and fearing the worst as of late.

I have nightmares about two things: being late and failing everything.

At times, I’m so afraid of the latter. It’s somewhat problematic.

I keep telling myself I’ll be okay, I’m fine. The world isn’t going to end.

Still, I can’t help but think I’m my own worst enemy. I’m not helping myself.

I like to believe I fear because I care. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t fear. And I’m fond of saying I’d rather care too much than too little. That means I’d rather fear than not? Fear everything than fear nothing? I don’t know. I don’t have an answer.

I’m trying to push through my fear and not let it become an excuse. I can act upon my fears. It’s about time I face mine. I can’t let my feelings about failure stop me from acting.

Maybe what I should fear instead is inaction. That’s scarier, isn’t it? Not doing anything at all.