Getting Into The Zone

I love getting into the zone and losing track of time. It was easier when I had less on my plate. Unfortunately, like everyone else the older I get, the more obligations I have.

Being so immersed in another world that the real one falls away is an incredible feeling. I tend to come out of those sessions feeling energized, even if I just spent the past two hours writing.

Of course, getting into the zone is tougher than simply sitting down in a chair. It requires you to start, which is often the hardest part.

Losing track of time because you’re so caught up in your w.ork can happen when you least expect it to. Sometimes a little pressure courtesy of a deadline helps as well.

Personally, I make a schedule and set aside some time for creative work every day. I don’t always get into the zone. When I do, I don’t always expect to stay in the zone for too long. Then again, when things are going well, I don’t want to stop. I want to keep going until I can’t.

Blogging Without Knowing What I Want To Blog About

Here’s a little bit about my blogging process.

Most of the time, I’ll write a first draft by hand. Then I transcribe them. I make graphics afterwards. Later I will edit the post. And last but not least I hit publish.

But this time around I wrote a draft, transcribed it, made a graphic, and then deleted the whole post. To be more specific, I created this graphic when I was trying to write a blog post but didn’t know what I wanted to say.

So now I’m writing an entire post on my phone from complete scratch. I almost never do that.

All that to say, don’t mind the not so relevant graphic or this more personal than usual post.

Anyway, I just wanted to get this off my chest.

I’ve been very anxious lately, especially over these past few days.

I feel a lot of emotions. I realize I don’t know everything. I don’t have answers to many things. Which is part of life. But it’s been hard to write or blog because I’m not even sure who I am.

I hate feeling like I’m not good enough. But right now I feel like I’m not enough, like I’ll never be good enough.

I don’t take failure well at all. I wish I did. But my fragile ego hates failing.

I think I feel like I fail because I’m not always on the same track at the same time as everybody else.

It took me a long time to learn that I don’t have to rush life. I can take my time. I am where I need to be. I’ll get where I want to go eventually.

I don’t have to get published by a certain age. I don’t have to get a boyfriend, get married, etc., by a certain time.

I wish I could say everything that’s in my brain more eloquently.

I’m allowed to go at my own pace. I’m also allowed to fail and mess up and make my mistakes. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean I’m not good enough.

All Your Hard Work Will Pay Off

Your hard work will pay off. Perhaps not right away but one day.

You reap what you sow. You get out what you put in. If you’re going to do something, go full out, not halfway.

Never stop learning. It doesn’t end when you graduate from high school, college, or university.

Don’t rest on your laurels. Continue to prove yourself.

Your sacrifices will be worth it. You can’t do everything. Know what you’re OK giving up and what you’re not.

Always take care of yourself. Make your own needs a priority.

You matter. You’re good enough. You have what it takes.

You’re closer to the end then you realize. Finish strong. Leave a good lasting impression.

Be kind to your body. Because you only have one. Listen to it.

Do something every day that brings a smile to your face. Find the thing you love with your whole heart and never be ashamed.

Remember to relax even when the going gets rough. The world will work itself out.

Live without regrets. Life is too short. There are no guarantees.

Instead of looking back or thinking far ahead, focus on the present. Enjoy the moment.

You are not alone. Other people are in the same boat.

It’s OK to cry. Allow yourself to feel. Let yourself express your emotions.

Take all the time you need. You can’t rush things, especially when you’re not ready. But remember sometimes you have to take a leap of faith.

Do what feels right. No matter what, stay true to who you are.

Be proud. You’ve gotten this far, and there’s a lot further for you to go.

Don’t worry. Stop sweating every small detail. It will seem impossible until you realize it’s possible.

All The Things A Writer Wants For Christmas

Happy December! As a writer, there are many things I want for Christmas.

• A finished manuscript. I seriously need to stop abandoning stories.
• Some new ideas. Sometimes I have too many. Sometimes I don’t have any.
• More time. 25 hours in a day would be nice.
• Small acts of kindness. Is that too much to ask for?
• Peace and quiet. A baby crying nonstop is the complete opposite.
• Someone to retrieve my sanity and bring it back to me. I don’t have any monetary reward, but I’ll dedicate my first book to you.
• More money in my bank account. So I can buy stuff I don’t need.
• A lifetime supply of books. I’m running out of space so…
• Another bookshelf. Too bad my room is too small for that.
• A house with a library in it. And on office.
• The imposter syndrome to go away. Does it ever?
• I’d love for my muse to come back to me. I’m not sure where it’s gone. Probably somewhere nicer and warmer.
• Procrastination can leave me alone. The door is that way. I hope it bites you in the head, you big pest.
• A strong dose of inspiration. The stronger the better.
• I need motivation. Desperately.
• Good sleep. Restful nights where I don’t wake up at an ungodly hour and start to contemplate all of my life choices.
• A better sense of humour. Or someone who gets my sarcasm.
• To see people I want to see and not see people I don’t want to. Knowing my luck however, the exact opposite will happen. I see someone who is a stranger to me more than I see my best friend. The universe clearly enjoys toying with my emotions.
• Patience. Current status: non-existent. I have no idea how people keep calm and collected all the time. I can’t control myself. I’m out of control. Send help.
• I really want to get over my fear of operating a motor vehicle, so I can drive myself far, far away and write for days. That’s my goal in life.

Writing On A Deadline

Writing on a deadline can be stressful. Bad time management on my part makes things worse.

When I write for fun and for myself, I’m in control. In school however, I don’t get much of a say.

I also like doing things my way. I’ve been wondering what it would be like to write full-time for someone else. I’d probably like some things and dislike others. Then again, that could be said about any job.

When I set deadlines for myself, I can afford to be more flexible. If someone else is setting them, I have little to no flexibility.

Since I hate being late to anything, I do my best to meet every deadline. I never ask for extensions.

The creative process is hard work. Trying to create under time pressure doesn’t help.

I have no idea how people manage to work full-time and write on the side. That’s my goal after I graduate though. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

I don’t ever want to give up writing. And while I may not write full-time, I’ll still create whenever I can. Besides, writing wouldn’t be as worthwhile if everything was easy.

I worry I’m trying to do too much, and I’ll burn myself out eventually. I’ve never been this exhausted before. It’s not a fun experience. Still, I’m too stubborn to stop writing.

Balancing everything is tricky. But I’ll manage.

Learning To Let Go

I have a hard time letting go. Even when I shouldn’t, I hold on.

More than anything, I need closure. But I don’t always get it. And then I’m left wondering what if. I can’t stop thinking about what could’ve been.

Sometimes a part of me doesn’t want to let go, so I don’t. Still, I can’t stay in the same place forever. Somehow I have to move on.

I hold onto love or what I think I love. In doing so, I realize I’m not loving myself. When I make decisions, I need to do what’s best for me. I need to love myself first before I can love someone else.

I find it easier to hold onto the past. That being said, letting go is liberating. I’m not my past. My past doesn’t define my future. Every day is a chance to start over.

I’m learning to let go. It’s been a long, hard road. I want to believe time heals wounds. But I keep re-opening them, rubbing salt right where it hurts.

I never want to take anything for granted. Yet I don’t always realize how lucky I am until I lose. And I hate that I can’t get back what I lost. I can only try to find something new.

Hopefully I can let go of the memories that burden me. Nevertheless, I will cherish many moments.

I can’t change or control other people. But I can change myself. I control what I do.

I know I need to let go. It doesn’t happen overnight. This is going to take time. Eventually, I’ll be in a better place, and that’s for the best.

On Gaining And Losing Trust

I have trust issues.

If a person can’t keep their word, I find it hard to put my faith in them. So it’s hard for people to gain my trust but easy to lose it.

I get it. People make mistakes. We’re human after all. But I’m awful at forgiving others. For my own sake, I should.

I hate when people lie to my face or make a promise and break it. Then again, I’m a hypocrite. I wouldn’t want anyone to betray or backstab me, especially someone I trust.

As I get older, the circle of individuals I trust gets smaller and smaller. Which is fine with me honestly. It saves a lot of time.

I’m not an easy person to impress. I can’t even impress myself. It’s a blessing and a curse, let me tell you. I also get disappointed easily because I hold high expectations. Some days, I hold myself to a standard that drives me insane.

We can’t pick family, but at least we can pick friends.

I love fictional characters because they’ll never not be there for you. Maybe one day I’ll find a real human being I trust completely.

In short, I trust like two people.

Taking Some Time To Reflect

I want to take some time to reflect on this year. It wasn’t always easy. I had bad days. But I’m in a better place now.

I’m content. I’ve been fortunate enough to do what I love. I fought and still fight to protect my time.

I’ve experienced a lot of things I didn’t think I would. Some good, some bad. Some downright awful. But I’m still standing.

I went from going through the worst to the best period of my life. And I owe a lot of that to a very special person. Make no mistake, I’ll still single. But a complete stranger changed my life for the better.

Little by little, my perspective has expanded and evolved. I’m not perfect, but I don’t need to be. I’ve done so much, and I am ready to do more.

Even though I’m grateful for all the big events, I’m equally thankful for all the small tasks. I’ve been able to get back a lot of what I lost. There’s still a lot for me to live for.

I’m alive. I feel alive. My smile has reached my eyes, not just once or twice but countless times.

That said, recovery is a long road. In some ways, I’m still recovering. That’s okay. I’ve been able to share this journey with some incredible individuals. So thank you.